


Sub Rosa

by hero_hero



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, M/M, Plot Twist, Sad, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:27:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22244077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hero_hero/pseuds/hero_hero
Summary: sub rosa: Latin, "under the rose," used to refer to something done in secret.In this case, an affair.--All Hyunjin wants to do is to get his boyfriend, Minho, to pay attention to him. Is that too much to ask?Apparently it is, but perhaps not everything is as it seems...
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 85
Kudos: 234
Collections: fav





	Sub Rosa

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I haven't posted in forever but it really hasn't been that long I guess.  
> I have been super unmotivated to write anything so when I got the idea for this fic I kinda had to force myself to write and finish it. As a result, it's kind of turned out a little messy. Tbh I'm not that happy with how it turned out and I don't think it's my best work, but it's here and it's finished and sometimes that's all that matters! haha 
> 
> As always, this is unbeta'd and even though I read through it a couple times, there are possibly some typos that I missed. So, please forgive any of those! I hope you guys enjoy anyways.

_Sub rosa_ —Latin, “under the rose,” used to refer to something done in secret.

In this case, an affair.

*

He was cheating on him.

Minho, Hyunjin’s boyfriend for the past two—almost three—years, was cheating on him. At first Hyunjin didn’t want to believe it, but he couldn’t ignore the signs anymore. They were there and they were slowly destroying Hyunjin’s entire life.

It started with little things here and there. Like how Minho would stay later at work and be so exhausted when he came home that he barely talked to Hyunjin. Or how he started going in on the weekends as well. Hyunjin tried to give him space, but after his own stressful days, all he wanted to do was come home and curl up and talk with his boyfriend, who he knew could make all the pain go away and make him feel warm and safe and relaxed. And the fact that Minho was working on the weekends bothered him. He already didn’t see Minho as much as it was—weekends were the only thing they had left. Why did Minho feel the need to work then too? Not to mention how Minho hated his job with a passion…

Then Minho started getting…sensitive. Hyunjin didn’t know how else to explain it. Whenever he tried to touch Minho, either by curling up next to him on the couch or hugging him from behind or even trying to kiss him, Minho jerked away from him like Hyunjin had burned him or something. Sometimes he would snap at Hyunjin too, telling him to leave him alone or that he wasn’t in the mood. Hyunjin let it slide again, thinking Minho was grumpy and just wanted to be left alone. But when this kept happening over and over again for weeks, he started to feel it in his chest. Every time Minho shoved him away, his heart broke a little more.

And of course whenever Hyunjin tried to talk to him in the few minutes they had together, like over dinner or breakfast or even when they were getting ready for work in the morning, Minho never wanted to talk. He used the same excuses. He was too tired. He was running late. He just needed some food in his system and then he would be more responsive (a lie). Et cetera, et cetera. He especially grew sensitive and snippy whenever Hyunjin asked where he was and typically stormed away or changed the subject or even turned it on Hyunjin, like Hyunjin was the one being weird. If Hyunjin didn’t know any better, he’d say Minho was being almost defensive.

Hyunjin didn’t know what he did _wrong_. Why was Minho treating him like this?

He wanted to say that things got better. But that would be a lie.

One night Hyunjin couldn’t take it anymore. He had had an awful day at work and really just needed to come home and feel loved for once. He just wouldn’t be able to bear it if Minho pushed him away again.

So when Minho inevitably did so, Hyunjin snapped. And of course Minho reacted in kind.

They had never fought like that before. Sure, they had had their little squabbles here and there, especially after they moved in together several months ago, but this…this was something different. Hyunjin felt it. Minho must have felt it too, but both of them were too angry, too determined, too proud to let up. They both said things they didn’t mean but could never take back.

Minho slept on the couch that night. It was the first time since they had moved in together that they hadn’t slept in the same bed.

He was long gone when Hyunjin woke up the next morning. But that was fine—Hyunjin didn’t want to talk to him or even see him anyways. So he got dressed and went to work as well, at a modeling agency. He let himself get lost in the makeup and styling and directing. That night, when the team decided to go out for drinks, Hyunjin went along, something he rarely did. He rarely got drunk, but that night he needed it desperately.

He didn’t remember the rest of the night. He didn’t even remember getting home. He just woke up in his bed, still in last-night’s clothes.

God, he felt like shit. Splitting headache. Dry mouth with a bitter taste in the back of his throat. Just moving slightly made every inch of his body ache.

He heard Minho moving around in the kitchen and just hoped that he didn’t do anything _stupid_ last night when he was blackout drunk. Not that Minho would reciprocate any of his advances at this point, though.

With a groan, he dragged himself out of bed and headed into the kitchen. Minho didn’t look at him, but that was to be expected. He just kept his attention fixed solely on his coffee as he stirred in some sugar. Kept stirring, stirring, stirring even after it was long dissolved.

Hyunjin stopped, his heart aching at the sight of him. Even dressed simply in black dress pants and a button-up shirt, Minho managed to look gorgeous. It was almost enough to make Hyunjin run to him and apologize profusely for everything that he said the other night. Almost.

Instead, he scowled and stumbled past him to the pantry. Minho didn’t even look at him. He was probably too disgusted. Hyunjin didn’t blame him.

Minho ended up leaving a few minutes later without so much as a goodbye. Hyunjin just sank down into a chair at the kitchen table and dropped his face into his hands.

He didn’t move for a long time.

*

Hyunjin remembered the first time he met Minho. Actually, he could remember the first time he even _saw_ Minho.

It was at a nightclub. Hyunjin cringed every time he told people that they met at a club, since it seemed so cliché and boring. He usually left it at that, never really elaborating on _how_ they met at said bar, since the truth was actually so much more mortifying and uncomfortable than Hyunjin could bear.

So, a nightclub. Hyunjin had gone with his roommates at the time, who were into the party scene, always wanting to let loose and forget about the stressors of college life. Not that they actually had any stressors to begin with, since most of them were loaded with Mommy and Daddy’s money and only went to college to have the “college experience.” Hyunjin was a bit more concerned with getting an actual education, but he did like to go out and have fun once in awhile.

He kind of regretted going with them that night, though. Most of them went out onto the dance floor, leaving him to his own devices. He was too young to drink at the time, as the fat, black X’s on the back of both of his hands clearly stated. He wasn’t entirely sure what to do, especially as he caught sight of one of his roommates practically having clothed sex with someone on the dance floor. Hyunjin quickly looked away, wishing he could burn that image out of his head.

In retrospect, he totally stuck out like a sore thumb based on his wide-eyed expression and stiff composure and in the way he looked around way too much. He was young and naive and nervous, clearly. All too much of an easy target.

But, at the time, he was somewhat relieved when a man a couple years older than him slid in next to him. The lighting wasn’t the best, but Hyunjin liked what he saw from what he could make out of the man’s face. The man had sparkling eyes, a nice smile, and a good sense of fashion. Hyunjin apparently didn’t have high standards at the time.

The man started what initially seemed like a friendly conversation. Hyunjin was at first on-guard, since he didn’t do well with strangers, but he was polite as he gave as vague of answers as possible. He just hoped that the man would get the hint and eventually leave him alone, but instead the man just seemed to settle in further. His questions grew a little more prodding.

_Was Hyunjin here all alone? That didn’t sound very fun._

No, Hyunjin was here with some friends.

_Well, where were those friends?_

Out on the dance floor. But they would be back soon. Hyunjin kept repeating that. They would be back soon. The more he said it, the more he started to doubt it himself. He scanned the dance floor, trying to locate his friends without looking too panicky and alert the man that something was wrong.

His eyes met those of another across the dance floor. For a moment, Hyunjin stared at the young man with whom he had made eye-contact, momentarily caught off-guard by his beauty. How had Hyunjin just noticed this guy? But then Hyunjin remembered that he had a series of problems at the moment and couldn’t afford to get distracted by some guy on the other side of the club with perfect facial structure.

Then the man said one of the many things Hyunjin had been dreading to hear.

“Do you want to dance?”

Hyunjin arched an eyebrow and glanced at the dance floor. “Right now?”

“Yeah, c’mon.” The man grinned and tugged on Hyunjin’s wrist. “It’ll be fun. Just one dance, come on.”

“I don’t really—” Hyunjin started to say when the man pulled him away from the wall and into the crowd. Hyunjin was briefly surprised at how strong he was (and was once again reminded of how weak _he_ was in comparison), but that thought was forgotten as the anxiety from being in such a large crowd took over.

Now, contrary to popular belief, Hyunjin _loved_ to dance. He absolutely adored it and never felt more alive than when he could move in whatever way he wanted to a song that had the power to completely fill him up. But things were so different when he was in a public space, surrounded on all sides by people he didn’t know, who watched him in a way that made him feel like prey being sized up by predators. These people didn’t care for the finesse or fluidity of his movements—they only cared if he had the power to move his body in a way that would most benefit _them_.

It scared Hyunjin so much that he went completely rigid, feeling like a deer in the headlights.

He should have better understood that when the man said he wanted to dance, he meant he wanted to dance _with_ Hyunjin. As in, getting way too close way too quickly. As in, pressing up against Hyunjin and moving against Hyunjin and locking onto Hyunjin so Hyunjin couldn’t wriggle away.

“Just loosen up a little,” the man said, leaning in to whisper right in Hyunjin’s ear. The feeling of his breath on Hyunjin’s skin made Hyunjin recoil, but the man pulled him right back and gave him a sickeningly charming smile.

Hyunjin wanted to run away. He wanted to leave this place right now, and he never wanted to see it again.

Apparently the man could read his mind, because after a few excruciating minutes, he once again leaned in and murmured in Hyunjin’s ear, “Wanna get out of here?”

Hyunjin wasn’t dumb enough to not understand what the man was really asking, but for some reason he nodded anyways. And he breathed a sigh of relief when the man finally pulled him off the dance floor, towards the door. The man had an iron grip on his wrist, but Hyunjin decided to stop and pull back anyways, saying, “You know what, I think I should go find my friends first—”

The man completely ignored him and yanked him along, hard enough to make Hyunjin’s wrist throb. Kept pulling him towards the door.

Despite the pain, Hyunjin still pulled back, trying to dig in his heels. It was no use, since the man was so much stronger than him. He could overpower Hyunjin easily, and that mere thought alone sent terror coursing through Hyunjin.

Hyunjin wanted to cry for help or something, but he was afraid. Afraid that no one would pay attention if he did. Afraid that the man would react even more violently. Afraid that it would be much worse if he resisted.

The man almost got him to the door when someone called out, “Hey, Sam!”

Both the man and Hyunjin stopped, and some guy with curly, bleached blond hair walked up, a grin on his face. He clamped a hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder, almost making Hyunjin flinch. “You’re just gonna leave with _this guy_ without saying goodbye? Damn, harsh.”

Hyunjin blinked at him, completely lost, but then the blond guy glanced pointedly at the other man before looking back at Hyunjin. He was clearly trying to tell Hyunjin something. Like an idiot, Hyunjin realized it a few seconds too late.

“You know this guy?” the man asked Hyunjin, jerking his head in the blond’s direction.

“Yeah, he’s my roommate,” Hyunjin said, finally prying the man’s hand off his wrist. The blond slung an arm around Hyunjin’s shoulders and tugged him away from the other man.

“Were you two going somewhere?” The blond’s eyes were on the other man, as if daring him to try something.

“Not anymore,” Hyunjin said.

By some sheer stroke of luck, the other man mumbled something and slinked away, leaving Hyunjin with the blond guy.

The blond guy dropped his arm from Hyunjin’s shoulders and turned to look at him with a look of the utmost concern. “Are you okay?”

“I think so,” Hyunjin said, blinking. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Though, I’m not the one to thank—it was my friend who noticed you first.” The blond guy glanced over his shoulder. Hyunjin looked that way too, seeing a couple of ridiculously attractive guys all sitting around one table against the wall. They were already looking in their direction, including the young man whom Hyunjin had briefly made eye-contact with a few minutes prior. Hyunjin blinked in surprise, now able to clearly see that he was not only pretty, but possibly the most beautiful man he’d ever seen (and Hyunjin worked in the modeling industry, so that was saying something). Even from a distance Hyunjin could see his beautifully-sculpted face structure, especially in his cheekbones, as well as some catlike eyes that seemed entirely too concerned and focused on Hyunjin. Not to mention how he was wearing tight leather pants with a low-cut black shirt tucked into it, both of which showed off his body in a way that made Hyunjin want to stare. Hyunjin blushed at the thought and forced himself to look back at the blond guy.

“Tell him thanks for me?” Hyunjin said.

“I will, but are you sure you don’t want to tell him yourself?” The blond guy smiled at him, but not in the way that the other man had. This smile was nothing but kind and genuine and instantly made Hyunjin feel safer.

“Um…” Hyunjin glanced back at the pretty guy, who had finally looked away and was looking at the other guy sitting at his table. But, almost as if he could sense Hyunjin staring, he looked in Hyunjin’s direction. When their eyes met, he gave Hyunjin a small smile.

“Go talk to him,” the blond guy said. “I mean, if you want to, of course. I bet you’re pretty shaken up after that, huh?”

Hyunjin managed to nod, looking away from the pretty guy at the other table, his face already burning with embarrassment.

“If you want, I can call you an Uber?”

“That would be nice,” Hyunjin said quietly, not looking at the blond.

“And you’re welcome to sit at our table while you wait, too.”

Hyunjin hesitated, once again glancing in the pretty guy’s direction. He wasn’t looking at him this time. But the blond seemed nice enough, and Hyunjin really didn’t want to wait alone out of fear that the other man would come back and catch him off-guard, long after the blond left. So he said, “Okay.”

The blond smiled at him and gestured for him to follow. “I’m Chan, by the way,” he said.

“Hyunjin,” Hyunjin said.

“Nice to meet you, Hyunjin.” Chan smiled at him. “First time here?”

“No, my roommates have dragged me here before.”

“Where are they now? They didn’t leave you here, did they?” Chan looked appalled for a moment, looking like he was about to go punch Hyunjin’s roommates. Hyunjin couldn’t help smiling.

“I think they’re still here, but they won’t be here for long,” Hyunjin said. “Last I saw they all had partners of their own.”

“What a bunch of assholes,” Chan said as they arrived at the table.

“Yeah, what a bunch of assholes,” one of the guys at the table piped up. “What are we talking about?”

“Shitty roommates,” Chan said. Everyone at the table grimaced or rolled their eyes.

“Been there,” the first one said. He smiled at Hyunjin. He had a nice, warm smile and a kind face. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Hyunjin said, his voice smaller than he would have liked it to be.

“This is Hyunjin,” Chan said. “He’s just chilling here while he waits for his ride to get here. Hyunjin, this is Changbin and Minho.”

Minho. That’s what the pretty guy’s name was. Hyunjin glanced at him when Chan said his name, and Minho smiled at him, but Hyunjin was suddenly too shy to hold his gaze. He quickly looked away, feeling his face burn.

“It says your ride will be here in ten minutes,” Chan said, showing Hyunjin his phone.

“Thank you,” Hyunjin said. “How much do I owe you?”

“You don’t owe me anything.” Chan smiled. “Really, I’m happy to help.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Okay.” Hyunjin blinked, surprised at the continual acts of kindness from a complete stranger.

Chan gave him a wink, making Changbin roll his eyes and scoff, “God, Chan, lay off on the flirting. You’re making me nauseous and Minho jealous.”

“I am not,” Minho retorted, speaking for the first time. His voice sent shivers down Hyunjin’s spine just from the smoothness of it. He also thought that it would be lower than it actually was, but he realized that he liked the sound of it anyways.

“I wasn’t flirting!” Chan held up his hands in a surrender, laughing. “I’m just being nice! Kid’s had a rough night.”

Minho's eyes snapped to Hyunjin’s in concern, and Hyunjin almost shrank back from the sudden intensity of his gaze. “You didn’t drink anything, did you? Or leave your drink unattended?”

“No,” Hyunjin said. He was dumb, admittedly, but he wasn’t _that_ dumb.

Also he couldn’t drink, so—

“Oh, good.” Minho looked relieved, that intensity gone from his face, the warmth and kindness back. It kind of scared Hyunjin of how fast he could go from harmless to intimidating in the blink of an eye.

“I mean, Minho would have known if you did,” Changbin said with a smirk. “He was watching you the entire time.”

Chan elbowed Changbin sharply while Minho glared at Changbin. Hyunjin was suddenly reminded of the entire time on the dance floor and wanted to curl up into a ball and die right there and then.

“I wasn’t,” Minho said to Hyunjin, his voice now soft. “I really wasn’t.”

“It’s fine,” Hyunjin said.

“I just noticed that you looked really uncomfortable. But I’m not intimidating, so I sent Chan.”

“Would have been better to send Changbin,” Chan said. “Changbin's more intimidating.”

“Nah, you’re intimidating enough,” Changbin said with a smile to Chan. “You’re like that giant Marshmallow guy from Ghost Busters.”

Chan gave him a weird look.

“But I wasn’t watching you the whole night,” Minho said to Hyunjin. “Seriously.”

“It’s okay,” Hyunjin said.

“If it makes you feel any better, he only stares at people he finds hella hot and he has ridiculously high standards,” Changbin said.

Minho looked like he was two seconds away from smacking Changbin into another dimension, while Hyunjin just frowned.

“Um,” Hyunjin said, “thanks, I guess?”

Changbin winked at him, and Chan snorted. “Who’s flirting now?”

“He’s really pretty, okay!” Changbin said. To Hyunjin, he said, “You’re really pretty.”

“You’re making him uncomfortable, stop it,” Chan said. Minho reached over and smacked Changbin upside the head. Changbin just grinned shamelessly.

“He also has a boyfriend,” Chan told Hyunjin.

“And he’s harmless,” Minho said. “So is Chan.”

“But Minho isn't,” Changbin said.

“Remind me next time that Changbin is the worst wingman ever,” Minho grumbled, looking away in disgust.

Chan checked his phone. “Oh, hey, your ride’s here, Hyunjin! Got here faster than expected.”

 _Thank god_ , Hyunjin thought. Out loud, he said, “Thanks again for all your help. Are you sure I can’t pay you back?”

“I’m sure.” Chan smiled. “Minho can walk you out.”

“What?” Minho looked back at the table with wide eyes.

“You’re looking for a black Honda.” Chan handed Minho his phone. “Driver’s name is Mark.”

“Okay,” Hyunjin said, ignoring the look of surprise on Minho’s face. To the Changbin and Chan, he said, “Nice meeting you all.”

“Nice to meet you too!” Changbin smiled and waved.

Hyunjin glanced at Minho, who pressed his lips together in a thin line before they walked away from the table together. They didn’t speak or even look at each other as they stepped out of the club, leaving the deafening bass and thick, hot atmosphere behind. Hyunjin breathed in the cool night air and smiled a little to himself.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” Minho said suddenly, making Hyunjin look at him. “About the whole…thing, I guess. I would say that I’m not a creep, but that sounds exactly like something a creep would say.”

“It’s fine,” Hyunjin said. “Chan said I have you to thank for intervening when that…that one guy—yeah.”

Minho nodded. “Yeah. That was me.”

Hyunjin gave him a small smile, thinking it wasn’t fair that Minho was so pretty. He seriously had to be a model too or something. How could he not be when he looked like some divine being?

Minho looked away and gestured to the curb, where a black Honda was parked, waiting for him. “There’s your ride.”

Hyunjin nodded, and Minho opened the door for him. When Hyunjin looked at him in surprise, Minho gave him a similar small, shy smile.

“Thanks, again,” Hyunjin said. “For everything.”

Minho nodded again before saying, “Get home safe, yeah?”

Hyunjin nodded and smiled.

He thought, when he went back to his dorm that night, that he would never see Minho or his friends ever again. He thought it was a once-in-a-lifetime meeting, that the world was so big that they would never cross paths. That didn’t keep him from thinking about Minho and dreaming about him, though. Not constantly, but often enough that he never forgot Minho’s face. How could he?

He kept searching for Minho without realizing it, always scanning the faces in crowds or classrooms or on the street, always hoping, only to feel disappointed when he didn’t find what he was looking for.

Then, one day, months after that one awful night at the club, things finally came back around.

*

Minho was gone the entire day and didn’t come back until late that night, after Hyunjin had already gone to bed. Just because Hyunjin was in bed, though, didn’t mean he was asleep. He slept on his side, facing the window and not the door as Minho came in. He listened, and his breath caught as Minho moved towards the bed. Was Minho going to sleep in the same bed as him? That was an improvement, wasn’t it? Or was he finally going to apologize? To make an effort to fix things? To finally just touch Hyunjin after what felt like weeks of absolutely nothing?

Minho sat down heavily on the edge of his side of the bed. Hyunjin decided to ditch his plan of pretending to be asleep and peeked over his shoulder. Minho had his back to him, his head lowered. His shoulders slumped more than they used to. He must have had a particularly bad day at work.

Hyunjin wanted to hug him, to pull him close and run his hands through his hair and down his back and tell him that he was doing well and that he could rest now. Like he had done so many times before.

But Minho had rarely done that for him.

The thought made Hyunjin scowl and roll back over to his side. He squeezed his eyes shut. He wasn’t going to be the one to apologize this time. He was _always_ the first one to apologize, the first one to cave, the first one to initiate any sort of physical affection, the first one to start a conversation. For once, he just wanted Minho to be the first. For once, he wanted Minho to make the effort.

He always knew that Minho never would, though.

*

The days started passing in a blur. It was after Christmas, after New Year’s, right in that little two-week gap before the spring semester started. Usually Hyunjin would have work, but for once, he didn’t have a schedule. He supposed it was his manager taking pity on him and giving him a break, since the past season had been crazy. And he supposed he did deserve a bit of a break, if this break wasn’t absolute torture.

Minho did not have a break. He still worked from before Hyunjin woke up until late, after dinner. And when he did come home, he didn’t speak to Hyunjin.

Hyunjin was still fired up from the fight, even all these days later, so the silence was just fine to him. He spent his break watching Netflix or reading or drawing. He had always liked drawing, though he had never been very good at it. He liked doing silly yet simple doodles and sometimes coloring them. Sometimes he even did fashion sketches. It killed an afternoon to do an entire page in his sketchbook. Plus it was relaxing. Mostly.

At one point, though, it got lonely. Really lonely. Hyunjin only lasted a couple of days before he couldn’t take it anymore. He needed some sort of human interaction or else he was going to die.

“Minho?” Hyunjin stood at the edge of their kitchen. Minho had just come home and was getting dinner, or was trying to. Hyunjin kept forgetting to go shopping, so there wasn’t much food in their fridge to begin with. Minho ended up just shaking his head and shutting the door. He didn’t look at Hyunjin.

“Can we talk?” Hyunjin asked. “I know you’re still mad at me but…I really think we should talk.”

Minho ignored him as he pulled out one of their numerous menus for numerous takeout restaurants.

“Please?” Hyunjin absolutely _hated_ how pleading and small his voice was, but goddamn it, he was getting somewhat desperate. He just wanted this silent treatment to end.

He kept standing there, waiting patiently as Minho called a sandwich shop and gave his order—just _his_ order, he didn’t get anything for Hyunjin, but that was to be expected. When he hung up, Hyunjin held his breath, almost too hopefully.

Once again, Minho just ignored him.

Hyunjin scowled. “Fine,” he scoffed. “Be that way. I’m going for a walk.” He turned sharply on his heel and stormed out of the apartment. He made sure to slam the door behind him, completely unaware of the way the light over the sink flickered. Completely unaware that the light caught Minho’s attention.

*

Several months after that night at the club, Hyunjin was in his dorm, unfortunately with the same roommates who had ditched him at the club. He didn’t speak to them anymore, which was fine with him. He just had to make it until the end of the semester, and then he would never see them again. There was a new apartment and a new roommate waiting for him.

His new roommate was his best friend, a next-door kid he had grown up with for a good chunk of their childhoods. At one point his best friend moved away, and they had fallen out of touch. By some stroke of luck, Hyunjin had found him again, here in college.

Or, more accurately, Seungmin found _him_.

They had only been reunited for a month or so before they already had plans to move in together for next semester. Usually things like that would worry Hyunjin, since it seemed too fast, but he had a good feeling about this, for once.

It was that day that Seungmin called him, asking if he wanted to go to a movie that night.

“Depends,” Hyunjin said, laying on his bed on his back and staring up at the ceiling. “Am I gonna be a third wheel?”

Seungmin snorted. “No. There’s gonna be one other guy. Another _single_ guy.”

Hyunjin immediately knew what this was and groaned loudly. “No, no—you are _not_ setting me up with some random single dude. Pass.”

“Oh come on, Jinnie, he’s a good guy. He’s friends with my boyfriend. You’ll like him, I swear.”

Hyunjin grumbled something, still not entirely convinced, so Seungmin decided to pull out the big guns.

“He’s hot.”

“So?”

“And he’s a dancer.”

Hyunjin didn’t respond to that, mostly because his mind went, _oooooh, a dancer?? That means thick thighs and—_

“And,” Hyunjin could practically _hear_ the smirk in Seungmin’s voice, “he’s a big softie. Loves animals. Volunteers at an animal shelter regularly.”

“He sounds…okay…” Hyunjin picked at a loose thread on his comforter.

Seungmin snorted. “So, I’ll pick you up at six and we’ll go get food before the movie. Sound good?”

“I guess,” Hyunjin said, heaving a great sigh, just to be dramatic.

He could imagine Seungmin rolling his eyes right about now. “Uh huh. Try to look somewhat decent, will you?”

“What, you don’t think my loose gray sweatpants and worn out GOT7 sweatshirt will impress my so-called date?”

“I’m gonna hang up now.”

“Love you, Seungminnie!” Hyunjin sang out.

“Uh huh.” And Seungmin hung up on him. Hyunjin was half-tempted to call him back just to make him say it back.

Even though he lazed around in his sweatshirt and sweatpants for another hour and a half, he did eventually get up and force himself to get ready for this so-called double-date. It was just dinner and a movie, so he didn’t want to look _too_ fashionable, but he didn’t want to look like shit, either. He didn’t want to admit it, but he _did_ want to impress any hot, single dancer who liked to cuddle cute animals. So he went with the black skinny jeans, black boots, and a black and white button-up with the front part tucked in. And, of course, added some makeup just for good measure.

Seungmin picked him up at six o’clock sharp, and they headed to a ramen place near campus. “Changbin’s already there, he said they got a table,” Seungmin said after they parked and were heading towards the front doors.

Hyunjin couldn’t help frowning at that and repeating, “Changbin?”

Seungmin didn’t respond, because they had walked inside at that point, and he was waving at someone sitting in a booth up against the front windows. Hyunjin didn’t get a good look at him until they were at the booth, when some short but buff guy was standing up and hugging Seungmin.

“Sorry we’re late, _someone_ wasn’t ready on time,” Seungmin said, glancing over his shoulder at Hyunjin.

Hyunjin wasn’t even paying enough attention to fire back. He was too busy gaping at the guy who had jumped up to hug Seungmin.

“Changbin?” he said.

Changbin looked at him, his entire face lighting up. “Holy shit, I remember you!” he said with a grin, pointing at Hyunjin. “You’re friends with Seungmin?”

“Your boyfriend is Changbin?” Hyunjin looked at Seungmin.

“We’ve been dating for a year, how did you not know that I was dating him?” Seungmin frowned at Hyunjin.

“I knew you were dating someone, I just never knew you were dating a _Changbin_ ,” Hyunjin said. “Specifically _that_ Changbin.”

When Seungmin just looked confused, Changbin explained, “We met Hyunjin at this club a few nights ago. You know, that one night I asked you to go and you blew me off, saying you had to study for some test?” He smiled at Seungmin to show that he was just teasing.

“It sounds vaguely familiar,” Seungmin grumbled.

“Yeah, I can’t believe you remember me.” Changbin looked at Hyunjin and laughed. “Small world, I guess.”

“Yeah, small world,” Hyunjin said. He then realized that it was only Changbin at the booth, which made him frown. Where was the hot, single dancer guy?

“Where’s Minho?” Seungmin asked, making Hyunjin look at him in surprise.

“He just went to the bathroom, he’ll be back in a second,” Changbin said. His eyes went to something behind Hyunjin, and he grinned as he said, “Never mind, there he is. Hey, Minho, look who it is!”

Hyunjin’s eyes went wide at that as he turned to look at who Changbin was talking to. He couldn’t believe it and almost had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. There was no way that Minho, the same Minho who had been flitting in and out of Hyunjin’s mind for the past few months, was standing a few feet away from him.

Minho stopped, his eyes going wide with surprise as well when he saw Hyunjin.

Hyunjin was somewhat aware of Changbin snickering, but his attention was solely on Minho. “Hi,” Hyunjin said.

“Hi,” Minho said, sounding a little breathless.

Hyunjin really didn’t know what else to say, and apparently Minho didn’t either, because the two of them just stared at each other.

Changbin snorted and said, “What, are you guys reenacting Twilight or something? Sit down.”

Changbin ended up sitting across from Seungmin, leaving Hyunjin to sit directly across from Minho. Hyunjin was suddenly too shy to meet Minho’s gaze, so he focused only on the menu in front of him. He could see Minho glancing at him every now and then, but he never stared. Sometimes Hyunjin would glance up, meet Minho’s gaze for a split second, and then both of them would quickly look away, as if caught doing something they shouldn’t.

It was, honestly, the most painful dinner of Hyunjin’s life. He didn’t talk much, just because he didn’t really have anything to contribute. The conversation was mostly just Changbin and Seungmin bickering. At least that was amusing.

Minho wasn’t as quiet as Hyunjin, but that was mostly because he had been friends with Seungmin and Changbin for a long time. He was comfortable enough to bicker back and forth with them, though his contributions were usually just snarky insults at Changbin. While Changbin and Seungmin were somewhat affectionate when they talked, Minho and Changbin were brutal, to the point where Seungmin and Hyunjin couldn’t help laughing. Hyunjin supposed that was how it was between best friends.

Thankfully, Hyunjin wasn’t stuck with Minho for the ride over to the movie theater, though he _did_ have to sit through Seungmin pestering him. Seungmin pestered about why Hyunjin was being so quiet and how Hyunjin knew Minho and if something bad had happened between them to make them so awkward around each other because _damn_ they were so painfully awkward. Hyunjin just responded that he just didn’t know Minho well enough to _not_ be awkward.

And Seungmin responded with, “Well no _shit_ that’s why you _talk_ so you get to know each other and stop being so awkward.”

Hyunjin just sighed, unsure of how to explain that it wasn’t that easy for him.

At the movie theater, it was back to Hyunjin being stuck with Minho. Seungmin and Changbin were in a world of their own, where they made funny faces at each other and laughed and held hands and smiled at each other like they were the only two people who mattered. Hyunjin couldn’t help watching them with a pang of jealousy, wondering if Minho was the kind of person who liked doing cute couple stuff or if he was more interested in just fucking around.

“Do you want popcorn?” Minho asked Hyunjin.

“Sure,” Hyunjin said. “Extra butter and salt, please.”

“Anything sweet to balance it out?” Minho arched an eyebrow and smirked. “Any candy?”

“Mm…” Hyunjin thought for a moment, studying the different colorful boxes of candies behind the glass at the counter. “You choose. But make sure to choose something with chocolate.” He smiled.

Minho snorted at that. He paid for their popcorn, drinks, and candy, then let Hyunjin carry the popcorn to the little station off to the side where he could douse the entire thing in as much butter and salt as possible. They caught up with Seungmin and Changbin in the actual theater, where the two of them had snagged four seats in the back row, right in the center. Hyunjin sat next to Seungmin, and Minho sat next to Hyunjin.

“What movie are we even seeing?” Hyunjin asked, already starting to eat the popcorn. It was most likely going to be half gone by the time the movie started. And he was definitely going to be bloated with one hell of a stomachache tomorrow. Worth it.

“That new horror movie,” Changbin said. “The one with the clowns and creepy children.”

Hyunjin looked at him with wide eyes. “You’re kidding, right?”

Changbin smirked at him. “Nope. Seungmin picked it.”

Hyunjin turned his wide-eyed look on Seungmin like he was insane. Seungmin just gave him the most innocent smile ever.

“Not a fan of horror movies?” Minho asked Hyunjin.

“I’m not going to be sleeping for a week,” Hyunjin said, his eyes still wide as he stared straight ahead. “You’re about to see a really unflattering side of me. I’m probably going to scream and cry, and not in a cute way. It’ll be the most unattractive screaming and crying you’ve ever seen in your life.”

“Oh, well, good, because I hate horror too.” Minho smiled.

Hyunjin looked at him. “Really?”

“Yep. Though I don’t really scream or cry that much—I kind of just shut down.”

Hyunjin snorted at that. “Like soul leaving your body sort of thing?”

“Yep, exactly!” Minho grinned at him.

“Better than what I do.” Hyunjin snorted again and faced forward. “This is gonna be the worst first date ever…”

Minho didn’t respond to that, but that was partially because the lights were dimming and the previews were beginning. Changbin took it upon himself to comment on every single preview, loud enough for all of them to hear him. It was amusing at the time, but he better not be _that guy_ who talked during the movie. Hyunjin was starting to have a feeling that he was.

When the movie finally began, Minho held out the box of candy to Hyunjin. Hyunjin accepted, discovering that they were like large chocolate chips covered in little white sprinkles. He liked them. He also liked having something to munch on, since it distracted him from the horrors about to unfold onscreen.

And oh, the horrors. Hyunjin jumped during the first five minutes and spilled some of the popcorn on himself and Minho. Luckily Minho smiled and laughed it off, but Hyunjin’s face was still burning with embarrassment several minutes later. As the movie progressed, he jumped at every single scary element, screamed at one particularly bad jump-scare, and then tried to cover his eyes for the rest of the movie. He was shaking and regretting ever coming along in the first place. Not to mention how deeply embarrassed he was at the whole thing, how Minho would probably never want to see him ever again due to the fact that he was too quiet one minute and too loud and obnoxious the next.

(He was also extremely annoyed at both Seungmin and Changbin for basically blindsiding him, but he’d deal with them later)

At one point, he had managed to curl up in the tiny theater seat by hugging his knees to his chest. He just wanted to close his eyes and fall asleep, but he discovered that the sounds were just as disturbing as the images, so he forced himself to stay awake. It was then that Minho offered the chocolates to him again, which Hyunjin once again accepted. When he reached out his hand, though, he was shaking so badly that Minho laughed and had to hold Hyunjin’s hand steady as he poured the chocolates in.

“You’re really scared, aren’t you?” Minho asked, leaning closer to talk in Hyunjin’s ear.

Hyunjin nodded as he basically shoved all of the chocolates into his mouth. “I know, I’m a wimp.”

“You can’t see him from where you are, but I bet you that Changbin’s as scared shitless as you are.”

Hyunjin looked at Minho, who shrugged and gave him a small smile.

“Then there’s Seungmin who’s completely unfazed by everything,” Minho added with a smirk.

Hyunjin snorted. “Yeah, he’s probably thinking that he could do better.”

“I mean, some of the effects _are_ pretty cheesy. Like all that gore? Totally fake.”

“It looks real to me…”

“Well it’s only if you really look, and you’re not _really_ looking, are you?” Minho smiled at him again to show that he didn’t mean any harm.

“I’m trying not to,” Hyunjin said, smiling back at him. Minho was _so_ much nicer to look at than the hell that was playing out on the screen. Hyunjin wanted to stare at him, to memorize all the beautiful, delicate features of his face. Based on the way Minho was looking at him, it seemed like Minho wanted to do the same thing.

Minho opened his mouth to say something, but then a particularly bad, gory jump-scare played out onscreen, managing to get both Changbin and Seungmin. Changbin screamed, Seungmin visibly flinched.

But Hyunjin and Minho were too distracted by each other to even be partially bothered by the jump-scare.

“That’s…disgusting,” Seungmin groaned, covering his face at the grisly murder.

Hyunjin looked and regretted it instantly. He was never going to get _that_ image out of his head now.

The scene turned out to be one gigantic, bloody climax where the few surviving characters tried to escape the killer clown and his legion of fucked-up demon clown children. It was probably the most disgusting scene Hyunjin had ever seen in his life, the kind that made him sick to his stomach. He was already regretting all that popcorn.

After the movie, Changbin and Seungmin were back in their own world, where Changbin was ranting about how fucked up that movie was and Seungmin was only nitpicking little technical errors that could have been improved. Hyunjin and Minho trailed behind them, with Hyunjin still feeling sick to his stomach.

“So,” Minho said, making Hyunjin look at him. “What’d you think?”

“You ever see or watch something that just makes you feel so _icky_ afterwards?”

Minho snorted. “Yeah.”

“That’s how I feel right now. I’m never going to be able to look at children the same way ever again.”

Minho grinned at that. “But hey, on the bright side, during that last scene, you barely flinched! And that was probably the worst part of the whole movie. Guess you’re not so much of a wimp after all.”

“Guess I really am, because you were distracting me,” Hyunjin said.

“Oh, was I?” Minho’s grin turned into a flirty smirk.

“Yes, and I’m glad you were,” Hyunjin said, deciding to be a little bold. “Your face is much better to look at.”

“Well, I would hope so.” Minho snorted. But then he bumped his shoulder into Hyunjin’s. “I think yours is much better to look at, too. Maybe we can stare at each other more often? Possibly over a dinner table?”

Hyunjin blinked. “Did you…did you just ask me out?”

“Yep.” Minho smiled. “Smooth, right?”

“Hella,” Hyunjin agreed, still trying to comprehend _how_ Minho had managed to pull that off so smoothly.

“So…?”

“Yes. Hell yes.”

Minho smiled so widely that his eyes turned into little crescents and Hyunjin felt his heart flutter. The sick feeling in his stomach was forgotten for the time being.

“Great,” Minho said. “I’ll text you to figure out what day works best?”

“Yeah, definitely,” Hyunjin said.

“I’ll need your number to do that, though.” Minho pulled out his phone and held it out to Hyunjin.

Hyunjin couldn’t help laughing. “How the _hell_ do you do that so well?”

“Practice,” Minho said, making Hyunjin look up at him in surprise. Minho smiled. “Kidding. It’s just part of my natural charm.”

“Oh, I bet,” Hyunjin said, now wondering how many people Minho had seen in the past. Though, did it really matter?

No, he decided, it didn’t. So he gladly typed his number into Minho’s phone, then had Minho put his into Hyunjin’s phone.

By the time they had finished, Seungmin and Changbin were apparently back to this planet and were loudly complaining about the two of them taking so long.

“Hurry up, you lovebirds!” Changbin called.

Minho flipped him off, and Hyunjin laughed. Minho turned back to Hyunjin. “I’ll text you. Or call you.”

“I’m fine with either,” Hyunjin said with a smile. “As long as I hear from you, basically.”

“You will.” Minho smiled in a way that made Hyunjin’s heart flutter again. “I promise.”

And from that day on, he never gave Hyunjin any reason to doubt him.

Well, until now, it seemed.

*

Hyunjin gave up trying to talk to Minho as the days passed. He just didn’t know how he could win when Minho was either gone longer than usual or completely ignored him at home. And then Minho was starting to work more on the weekends again, or at least Hyunjin assumed that’s where he was. He was painfully reminded every single day of the fact that Minho was _still_ cheating on him and seemed to be growing lazier and lazier about hiding it.

To clarify, they never _actually_ argued about Minho’s unfaithfulness—but Hyunjin thought he had implied it enough for Minho to realize that he fucking knew and that he was hurt about it. Apparently Minho was either too dumb to notice or…or he just didn’t care.

After sitting at home being ignored by his boyfriend for a solid week, Hyunjin decided he needed to get out in order to keep his sanity.

He didn’t think he needed a prelude in order to show up at his best friend’s apartment unannounced. So he just knocked loudly on Seungmin’s door and waited for him to answer.

The moment Seungmin opened the door, Hyunjin was pushing past him and already talking.

“Hi, I need attention or I’m gonna die,” Hyunjin said, already kicking off his shoes by the front door. He turned to look at Seungmin, who was staring at him like he had dropped out of the sky. Hyunjin paused to frown at him curiously, and was unable to keep the grin from appearing on his face a moment later. “What, never seen someone as gorgeous as me before?”

Seungmin just opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out.

Hyunjin snorted. “I knew it. My amazing good looks just rendered you speechless!” He smirked at Seungmin.

When Seungmin _still_ did not snap out of whatever trance he was in, Hyunjin started to get concerned.

“What,” Hyunjin said. “Are you busy right now? Is this a bad time? I know I probably should have told you that I was coming over but, I mean, this isn’t the first time I’ve done this—”

He cut off as Seungmin suddenly poked him in the shoulder. Hyunjin blinked, looking down at where Seungmin had poked him, before looking up at Seungmin in confusion. Seungmin looked like he was on the verge of tears. Then he lunged forward and threw his arms around Hyunjin in the tightest hug Hyunjin had probably ever received from him in his life.

(well, _genuine_ hug, that is. Seungmin had tried to strangle him numerous times before)

“Whoa, Seungminnie, are you okay?” Hyunjin asked, patting Seungmin’s back awkwardly. It’s not that he didn’t want the hug—he was probably dangerously touch-starved at this point—he was just confused. That’s all. “Did something happen? Are you and Changbin okay? Are your parents okay? What about financial—”

“We’re fine, Hyunjin,” Seungmin finally spoke. His voice was hoarse. “Everyone’s fine, don’t worry.” He took a deep breath before taking a step back, smiling at Hyunjin. “I’m just really glad to see you, that’s all.”

Hyunjin smiled, even though he was still confused as hell. “I’m glad to see you too,” he said, and he meant it. “Even though it’s only been like a week.”

Seungmin managed a smile at that, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. When Hyunjin just looked at him curiously, he seemed to snap out of it and say, “Oh, right, come on in. Sorry. Do you want anything to drink?”

“I’m fine, actually.” Hyunjin smiled as they left the small hallway by the front door and headed to the kitchen.“Well, actually, that’s a funny statement. I am most definitely _not_ fine.” He collapsed onto one of Seungmin’s bar stools with a dramatic sigh.

“Why not?” Seungmin wasn’t looking at him as he grabbed a glass and bottle from the pantry that looked suspiciously like alcohol. “You seem…good. Very…lively.”

“I’m not, I feel like I’m dying inside.” Hyunjin covered his face with his hands. “I don’t know what I did wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“Minho.” Hyunjin took a deep breath. “He’s been ignoring me for the past _week_ and I’ve _tried_ to talk to him but he just ignores me.”

“Just out of the blue?”

“Yeah! Well…no.” Hyunjin dropped his hands from his face as he looked away. “We’ve…we’ve been fighting a lot lately.” When Seungmin didn’t say anything, Hyunjin took another deep breath to steel himself before saying, “He’s been cheating on me.”

“What?” Seungmin sounded genuinely shocked, and Hyunjin finally looked back at him. His eyes were wide with horror.

“Well, I don’t have any proof yet, admittedly.” Hyunjin sighed. “And I don’t know who it is. But…he’s not home anymore. He works all the time—even on weekends! And then when he comes home it’s like he wants nothing to do with me. Literally I tried to hug him once and he practically punched me. And then whenever I try to ask him how his day was or where he went that day, he gets all defensive and turns it on me.” He sighed again, his heart already starting to ache. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I did wrong.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Hyunjin,” Seungmin said. “If anything this is him being in the wrong. I can’t believe he’s cheating…” He trailed off, his eyes distant. He started to shake his head. “Literally, no one saw that coming. He didn’t even tell Changbin.”

“Why would he?” Hyunjin said. “You don’t exactly broadcast that to your entire friend group. But…you don’t think he said anything to Changbin about it?”

Seungmin shook his head. “I could ask him, but Changbin hasn’t mentioned everything.”

“And you guys tell each other everything,” Hyunjin said. He didn’t mean it in a rude way, but it came out that way anyways. Seungmin grimaced while Hyunjin cringed. Seungmin and Changbin rarely had any problems. They were freakishly compatible to the point where Hyunjin had been immensely jealous of them for awhile, especially when he and Minho had just started dating and couldn’t seem to get past the awkward stage. Hyunjin bet Changbin would rather die than cheat on Seungmin. They were that perfect for each other.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Hyunjin said softly.

“I know,” Seungmin said, sighing again. “It’s…it’s been a rough couple of weeks. Very…emotional, I guess.”

Hyunjin frowned. “I thought you said everything was fine?”

“It is, it’s just…” Seungmin thought for a few moments before deciding to say, “It’s just one of those times where everything is kind of overwhelming, you know? You can’t do anything but just go through it and hope you have someone who loves you to help you along.”

Now Hyunjin winced, and Seungmin immediately mirrored the motion.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he said.

“It’s fine,” Hyunjin said. “I guess I should just prepare myself for it. I don’t think Minho and I are going to get through this one together. I don’t think he cares anymore. And you know me, I’ve always cared too much.”

“He cares about you.” Seungmin reached forward to grip Hyunjin’s hand. His hand felt so warm compared to Hyunjin’s. “He really cares about you. Trust me, ask anyone and they’ll tell you.”

“Then why would he do this to me? Is this some sort of sick punishment? I mean, I’ll admit I said some nasty things during our fight but he did too!”

“What fight?”

Hyunjin sighed and looked away.“A week or so ago, we had a fight. A really, really bad one. That’s why he’s been giving me the silent treatment this entire time.”

“Was it about him cheating?”

Hyunjin shook his head. “No. I kind of implied it, but it was about…other things.”

“Other things?”

When Hyunjin didn’t answer right away, Seungmin quickly added, “I’m not trying to pry. It’s just that Minho hasn’t told us any of this.”

“Because he doesn’t care,” Hyunjin scoffed bitterly.

“No, it’s because he feels guilty,” Seungmin said. “He thinks it’s his fault.”

“It _is_ his fault!” Hyunjin snapped. Seungmin leaned away in surprise, his eyes going wide. “This whole thing is his fault! If he didn’t care about me enough, then he should have just dumped me and saved me the heartbreak.” He looked away, his jaw clenched as he struggled to hold back tears.

Seungmin was silent for several moments. Hyunjin didn’t dare look at him. He knew he was being selfish. He knew that if he really wanted to, he could always end this relationship on his own.

But he didn’t want to. He just wanted Minho to pay attention to him and to love him like he used to. Was that too much to ask?

“Never mind,” Hyunjin said when Seungmin didn’t say anything for a while. He stood. “I, uh, I think I’m going to go.”

“Hyunjin—” Seungmin started to say.

“Sorry for bothering you,” Hyunjin said, his gaze lowered. “Um, see you later, I guess. Tell Changbin I said hi.”

Seungmin opened his mouth to reply, but Hyunjin didn’t stay around long enough to hear what he had to say. He just hurried away, out the front door.

He really didn’t remember walking home. It was like he just showed up in his apartment, which was empty, of course. If anything, he felt worse than before. With a sigh, he collapsed onto the couch and ended up staring at the wall for the rest of the day.

*

Time was passing a bit strangely, it seemed. Hyunjin could be sitting, looking out the window, and then, in the blink of an eye, it was nighttime. He had no idea what day it was, since his phone seemed to be lagging and was permanently stuck on a single date. He probably dropped it when he was blackout drunk that one night and never noticed that it wasn’t working until now. He meant to go get it fixed, but time got away from him.

The only reason he actually knew what day it was was because of the tiny little wall calendar Minho had bought Hyunjin as a joke, since he once told Hyunjin that he never knew what day it was, despite the fact that he had an entire calendar full of reminders in his phone. Hyunjin laughed at the time, but now, as he stood in the kitchen and glared at the calendar, he realized what a backhanded gift this was. The urge to tear the calendar from the wall tore through him, but he clamped it down.

It was helpful, admittedly. He could clearly see that the fifteenth was coming up.

Their three-year anniversary.

It was a chance to finally get Minho’s attention, to finally have a heart-to-heart and figure out if they could even last another week or if they should just give up.

But also, it was a chance for Hyunjin to at _least_ kiss his boyfriend. Or even get a hug. He would love to receive more than that, but he had to keep his expectations realistic, since apparently Minho had developed an aversion to touch. Hyunjin’s touch, specifically.

Though, a year ago, he could have totally expected a full night of nothing but amazing sex, but he shoved that thought away in attempt to keep his heart somewhat intact for the day.

He had to figure out what to _do_ , like make dinner or light candles or plan some sort of activity. Lucky for him, he had all day to brainstorm.

Since neither of them were into anything flashy and gaudy (well, on occasion), he decided that it would be better to keep things simple, but sentimental. He had to make it something that was meaningful to both of them.

So, he decided to recreate their first date. Yeah, it was cliché, but Hyunjin liked it. Granted, the two of them were nothing but awkward and painful the entire time before things went completely wrong, and the memory alone made him both smile and cringe. But he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

For their first date, Minho took Hyunjin to a semi-fancy restaurant called Levanter, which was already a bit ambitious. Things had gone somewhat well in the aspect that they made polite conversation with each other, though it felt more like painful small-talk than anything. Hyunjin had started to worry that the two of them weren’t compatible in any aspect whatsoever (Minho liked cats and Hyunjin liked dogs, okay, that was already a warning sign). Then they both discovered that they had a shared love for performances, which got them talking about everything from music to dance to orchestra to concerts. That seemed to finally break down the walls in between them, and suddenly their conversations improved drastically. It turned out that they were just both extremely nervous and worried that they would mess up, a fact that they both laughed about when they finally admitted it to each other.

Unfortunately at that point, their food arrived, and Hyunjin discovered too late that his food had eggplant in it. He had a severe allergy to eggplant.

So, they ended up in the emergency room when Hyunjin’s throat had swelled up so much that he couldn’t breathe. Hyunjin was just surprised that Minho had stuck around and had waited for him to get discharged. All of Hyunjin’s dates in the past would never have done that; they would have bolted the first chance they got. But despite how shitty things had been, Minho stayed with him.

Maybe thinking about their first date wasn’t the best idea.

The point was, Hyunjin was going to recreate Levanter in their own kitchen. He would have loved to actually _go_ to the restaurant, but Minho probably wouldn’t be home until late anyways. So it was better just to have a warm meal and romantic atmosphere waiting for him instead.

Or, that was the plan.

Hyunjin didn’t _mean_ to snoop, but he just so _happened_ to glance at Minho’s phone the morning of the fifteenth when Minho was in the shower. He saw that Minho had a series of reminders, one of which said _3 Yrs with Hyunjin <3_ and made Hyunjin’s heart swell with so much relief and love that he momentarily forgot that he was supposed to be angry at Minho. And _then_ he saw the other reminder, the one that was reminding Minho to make a reservation for two at Levanter, set for 7:30 tonight. And suddenly Hyunjin was a blushing, crying mess, wondering why he had ever doubted Minho in the first place.

Tonight, they were going to make things right. They would get through this. Hyunjin believed in them.

He still had to sit around all day and pretend to be surprised, though. Which was difficult. He was so excited that he could barely focus all day. Not that he had much to do other than think about the night ahead of them.

Oh, god, what was he going to _wear_? Luckily he had all day to figure it out.

He decided on a deep red, button-up shirt with black pants with a bit of subtle makeup just to make some features pop. Like his eyes—he did some shimmery eyeshadow with just a little bit of pink to add some color, then added some red tint to his lips. Looking in the mirror, he felt _good_. He might turn several heads tonight, but he was only concerned about turning one.

He did end up texting Minho, asking if they were going to do anything for tonight. He didn’t have his read-receipts turned on, so it only told him that the message was delivered, not if Minho had read it or not. He supposed it didn’t really matter. Minho didn’t respond anyways.

As 7:30 drew closer and closer, Hyunjin wasn’t entirely sure what to do. Should he go to Levanter and see if Minho was there? Or should he wait for Minho to respond? What if Minho was planning on picking him up?

When there was no response at 7:15, Hyunjin decided to take measures into his own hands and headed to Levanter. If he saw Minho there, then he’d make up a story about how he planned to get them reservations there as well. He just hoped that Minho wasn’t actually planning on picking him up at home first.

Levanter was busy, as always. But Hyunjin had no difficulty slipping past the crowd and past the servers. He knew where he was going. He was going to the table they had sat at all those years ago.

It was past 7:30 at that point. Hyunjin held his breath, his heart beating harder and harder as he walked through the restaurant, past tables covered in red tablecloths and flickering candles, past other couples on dates of their own. He headed right for that one table by the French doors, which had been opened the night they came here, so the fresh air could drift in, and by the grand piano, so they could watch and listen the pianist and use it as a way to finally start an interesting conversation between the two of them.

The table finally came into view, and Hyunjin stopped. Minho wasn’t sitting there, waiting for him. Instead, a middle-aged couple sat there, more focused on their own meals instead of each other.

Where was Minho, then? Hyunjin turned to look around, scanning all of the tables. But he recognized none of the faces.

Minho wasn’t here. Had he cancelled the reservation? Or had he never intended to make it in the first place?

Hyunjin didn’t know what to do, so he went to the front of the restaurant. Maybe Minho was just late. Hyunjin would surprise him when he came in. Hopefully Minho would smile and be happy to see him. Hopefully dinner would go well. Hopefully they would discover that they did still care deeply about one another. Hopefully they would go back to the apartment and show each other just _how_ much they loved one another and—

It was 8:30 now. Minho wasn’t here.

Hyunjin didn’t remember going back to the apartment. He didn’t even remember going up the stairs and unlocking the door. He just drifted into the empty apartment, his mind in a daze, his heart in pieces. He wasn’t even hungry, so he dragged himself to the bathroom, where he barely remembered to take off his clothes before stepping into the shower. He didn’t know how long he stood under the hot water. Seconds. Hours. Could have been days for all he cared.

When he stepped out of the shower, he went to the closet he and Minho shared. He pulled out one of Minho’s hoodies, the one he used to steal from Minho on a regular basis. It still smelled like Minho, too, like cologne and vanilla and whatever scented laundry detergent they used. It smelled like home.

Hyunjin curled up into a tight little ball on his side of the bed, facing away from Minho’s side. He had the hoodie bunched up in his arms, almost like a child’s favorite stuffed animal or a blanket. He breathed in the unique scent of it as he squeezed his eyes shut.

There was no one around, so there was no one to hear him cry himself to sleep.

*

At one point, Minho came home. Hyunjin woke up only out of instinct, since he always woke up whenever Minho came home late.

Minho didn’t say anything as he collapsed onto the bed next to Hyunjin. He smelled of alcohol. Hyunjin couldn’t help wrinkling his nose before he buried it into Minho’s hoodie instead.

Right before Hyunjin drifted off to sleep, though, he murmured, “Happy Anniversary.”

He didn’t even hear Minho choke back a sob.

*

Hyunjin woke up a second time that night. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t fall back asleep, but it was only three in the morning. He sighed and rolled over out of instinct and found himself nose-to-nose with a sleeping Minho.

Minho hadn’t even bothered to change out of his work clothes before falling asleep. Hyunjin sighed again and shook his head, reaching out to brush Minho’s dark, limp hair out of his face. There was this little pout to his face as he slept. The sight made Hyunjin’s heart clench. He could almost imagine that they weren’t falling apart, that they were still as in love as ever.

He allowed himself to indulge in that fantasy for only a moment, during which he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Minho’s forehead. Then he got up and walked out of the room. Minho didn’t even budge.

Hyunjin figured he just needed to get a drink of water, maybe watch a little TV. Maybe then he’d be sleepy enough to go back to bed.

He walked into the kitchen and glanced absent-mindedly at the bouquet of roses on the table. He made it to the cabinet before stopping and turning around to look at the flowers again, like they were some rare, alien species he had never seen before. The drink of water abandoned, he stepped closer to the bouquet. A dozen red roses. Cliché, but Hyunjin’s favorite. He loved the romance of them, the classy feel to them. He had admitted this shyly to Minho once, and from that day forward, whenever Minho got him flowers, he always got a dozen red roses.

Now Hyunjin wanted to go jump onto the bed like a little kid and kiss Minho all over.

Instead, he smiled to himself as he took a vase down from the cabinet above the microwave, filled it with water, and put the flowers in. He smiled to himself as he arranged them just right. He smiled to himself as he took a step back to admire them, and he smiled all the way back to the bedroom, where he curled up on his side again, but this time facing Minho.

And he smiled at Minho’s adorable, sleepy, pouty face as he drifted off and thought, _Maybe he still cares after all._

*

Minho felt like he was slowly going insane.

For the past week, it was like he was losing his mind. He couldn’t remember where he put things. Or he did remember where he put things, only to look for them in that place, only to find that they were not, in fact, where he left them. Then he had to wander around the apartment before work looking for them. And when he did find them, he had no memory of putting them there.

It had happened with cups. He thought he put his cup in the dishwasher, only to find it in the sink or on the table or even on the nightstand the following morning.

Then it happened with his phone. He thought he put it on the nightstand, only to find it on the dresser when he almost walked out the door without it and came back for it.

It happened with his clothes. His favorite hoodie was missing. He wondered if it was in the laundry. The laundry was overflowing. It was the one thing he didn’t have the energy to do.

It happened with the TV. More than once Minho had come home or gotten up in the morning to find the TV on. He didn’t really watch TV anymore. He didn’t remember turning it on. That was the one that freaked him out the most.

But what really put him over the edge was the roses.

He had had the whole night planned. He was going to pick up some roses. Go to Levanter. Eat dinner and try to ignore the pitying looks he got from everyone. Then head home.

He didn’t even get to Levanter. He didn’t even make the reservation. Instead, he had just stared at the reminder in his phone as the blood roared in his ears and the grief welled up again, threatening to choke him. It was so heavy, sometimes he could barely get out of bed. The only reason he actually succeeded was because he couldn’t bear to sit in the empty apartment longer than he already had to. He had to work. It was the only way through this.

He didn’t get to Levanter. He did get to the roses.

He bought a dozen red roses, like he always did. Except, as he looked down at them, he couldn’t help thinking that he should have bought them more often. Funny how he kept thinking about all the things he should have done when it was much too late.

He had a thought to go to the cemetery and leave the roses there, but that thought alone was too much for him to bear. He couldn’t do it. It stirred up the choking, suffocating, heavy grief once again. And then he was driving to the nearest bar and texting the group chat as a plea for someone, _anyone_ to come save him.

Jisung ended up coming. Of course he did. Minho couldn’t help feeling a sense of crushing disappointment and a bit of disgust when he saw him, thinking stupidly that it would have been Hyunjin. And then Minho hated himself for ever thinking such a thing when Jisung was just trying to help.

Minho almost got blackout drunk, but then he remembered the last time someone he loved had gotten blackout drunk, and suddenly he just wanted to go home. He shrugged off Jisung’s attempts to drive him home, to make sure he got there okay. He didn’t need Jisung’s pity.

He got home safely. He tossed the roses onto the table. Then he stumbled into the bedroom and fell face-first onto the bed.

He was so tired. So cold. So empty.

And so _drunk_. Which was why when he heard Hyunjin say, _Happy Anniversary,_ he couldn’t do anything but break down crying. The worst part was that Hyunjin’s voice sounded so _real_. His drunk mind was really pulling out all the stops to make him as miserable as possible.

Then the following morning, the roses were cut and put in one of the few glass vases they owned, one that Minho remembered was Hyunjin’s favorite vase. The sight alone made Minho stop in his tracks, his blood going cold. He knew for _sure_ he didn’t put those in water last night.

“I feel like I’m losing my mind,” he said to Chan later that day, when the two of them were bringing up the groceries from Minho’s car. Minho hadn’t had the energy to cook lately and had been living mostly off of takeout, which Chan would not stand for. He was now staging an intervention to get Minho some healthier foods, like fruits and vegetables that would at least balance out the unhealthy takeout food.

“Aren’t we all,” Chan said with a sigh. The rings under his eyes were darker than usual. They matched Minho’s. “Has something happened?”

“I keep misplacing stuff. I set something somewhere, and then it’s moved somewhere else when I try to find it. But I don’t _remember_ moving it.” Minho paused to unlock the door to the apartment. “Then things are going missing and the TV keeps turning on randomly and sometimes the lights flicker and then there’s _that_.” He pointed at the roses on the kitchen table.

Chan frowned. “What am I looking at.”

“I don’t remember putting those in water,” Minho said. “I mean, yeah, I was drunk last night, but I wasn’t _that_ drunk! I remember coming home. I remember setting that bouquet there. I would have remembered if I put them in water.”

Chan was looking at him in concern. Everyone had been looking at Minho with that _look_ lately. Like they were worried he was going to break if he went unchecked for too long.

Minho hated that look with a passion.

“Don’t say it,” Minho scoffed, going to the kitchen with the bags.

“I’m worried about you, Minho.”

“And you said it anyways.” Minho scowled.

“Are you sure you should still be living here?” Chan glanced around at the apartment, which should have been in more of a disarray. But Minho was a workaholic who distracted himself by doing any kind of work or chore. So of course the house was spotless. (Well, except for the laundry room, but there was a reason for that—he couldn’t bear to look at Hyunjin’s dirty clothes without feeling sick to his stomach) “You’ve never lived here alone, have you?”

“It’s my apartment, I’m gonna live here,” Minho snapped.

“I know, but I think you should come stay with me and Felix for a few days. Just to kind of…get you back on track.”

“Hmm, stay here in my own home, in my own, comfy bed, or go live with you and listen to you and Felix fuck every night. Yeah, pass.” Minho shoved a bag of apples into the fridge.

Chan gave him a look. “It was just a suggestion.”

“A stupid one.” When Chan opened his mouth to reply, Minho quickly added, “Don’t even bother suggesting Changbin and Seungmin.”

Chan made a face but then said, “What about Jisung?”

Minho stopped putting things away for a second, feeling his heart twist painfully. It triggered the revulsion in his stomach. He quickly shook his head. “No.”

“Why not? You guys seemed to be getting alone just fine a few weeks ago.”

“I was getting along ‘just fine’ with everyone until a few weeks ago.” Minho’s throat tightened. “Everyone but Hyunjin.”

Chan was silent for several moments before he murmured, “It’s not your fault, Min.”

“You’re just saying that,” Minho spat. “You don’t know the whole story.”

“Then tell me.”

Minho shook his head. “No. I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Thanks for helping me with the groceries. Can I pay you back?”

“Why _not_ , Minho?”

“Because I’m the reason he went out drinking in the first place!” Minho snapped, his tone making Chan raise his eyebrows. “I’m the reason he got blackout drunk and got in his manager’s fucking car and got in the fucking car accident. He only drinks when he’s too emotional to process things. It was my fault.” He looked away.

“How could that possibly be your fault?” Chan asked, his voice stupidly soft and gentle. The _look_ was back. Minho wanted to scream.

“We had a fight.” Minho still wasn’t looking at him as he shut the fridge. “We had a fight, and I hurt him.”

“You hit him?”

“No!” Minho said, way too quickly as he looked at Chan with wide eyes. Chan raised an eyebrow, looking skeptical. “No, I would never. But…I said things that I shouldn’t have and before that I did things that I wish I could take back.”

“What did you do?” Chan was frowning.

Minho just shook his head. He wrapped his arms around his torso, like he could somehow hold the pieces of himself together that way.

“Min, you can’t keep holding onto this. You need to let it go.”

Minho squeezed his eyes shut before he bitterly said, “It’s been less than a month, why do I suddenly need to let everything go? No one recovers in a _month_.”

“Healing takes time, you’re right,” Chan said. “But you’re not even taking the first step towards it. You need closure.”

“I got closure. I went to the funeral, didn’t I?”

“Did you?” Chan arched an eyebrow at him. “Because, last I checked, you showed up for maybe two seconds before disappearing. You didn’t even stay for the service.”

“I couldn’t do it,” Minho said. “I just…I saw Jisung and I couldn’t do it.”

“Jisung? What does Jisung have to do with it?”

Minho didn’t respond, though he glanced at Chan, almost pointedly, before he looked away again. Chan raised both his eyebrows again as realization dawned on him.

“You and Jisung—?”

“Don’t say it.”

“Did Hyunjin know?”

“He never said anything, but…I think he figured it out.” Minho shut his eyes tightly, the guilt and the grief and the regret and the self-loathing—so much self-loathing—practically suffocating him. “I think he thought it was his fault. That _he_ did something wrong. And I was too far up my own ass to realize it until—” his throat seized up again. He couldn’t say it. He couldn’t.

Chan finally must have understood, because his face was nothing but kind and gentle as he stepped forward to pull Minho into a hug. Minho let him hug him, but he didn’t hug him back. He only wanted a hug from one person, and that person was gone forever.

Gone forever because of _him_.

Minho cleared his throat and took a step back. “Um, thanks for the groceries. I’ll pay you back.”

“You don’t need to. Really.”

Well, Minho wasn’t going to argue with that.

“You sure you’re gonna be okay?” Chan put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

“Yeah.” Minho took a deep breath and exhaled. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

“Okay. But just in case you need someone, my door is always open.”

“Except for when you’re fucking.”

Chan sighed, but there was a bit of a smile on his face now. “Except for when we’re fucking, yes, Minho.” He rolled his eyes. “God, why do you have to be so vulgar?”

“It’s more amusing that way.” Minho shrugged.

Chan snorted. “Guess I’d be teasing you about all the fucking you did too if I were living with you.”

At that, Minho’s face flashed with pain, and Chan cursed.

“Shit, I didn’t mean that,” Chan said.

“I never fucked Jisung here, okay? We always used his place because Hyunjin was always—” Minho cut off as the lights flickered so violently that a lightbulb over the sink popped. Shattered glass fell into the sink, making both Minho and Chan jump backwards and away from it in surprise. The flickering only lasted for a second or so, but it was enough to make Chan give Minho a wide-eyed look.

“It’s been doing that a lot lately,” Minho said with a sigh. “Just _that_ light, too.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say your building is haunted.” Not even a split second later, Chan cursed again and closed his eyes. “That was also insensitive. God, I’m sorry, things are just slipping today.”

Minho sighed but dismissed it, since it was just easier that way. They talked for a few minutes more, just small talk more than anything, and then Chan took his leave. Once he was gone, Minho sat down heavily on the couch, half expecting the TV to suddenly turn on. He couldn’t get what Chan said out of his head. That comment about the building being haunted. Minho didn’t believe in ghosts, but as he thought more about his forgetfulness and the TV and the lights flickering and the _roses_ , he realized that all of this started happening a few weeks ago.

His eyes widened as he looked up at the empty apartment around him. Suddenly, everything made sense.

_Hyunjin?_

*

Hyunjin didn’t mean to eavesdrop. For what it was worth, Minho and Chan came in like he wasn’t even there. He had been in the bedroom at the time, but when he heard them, he lingered in the doorway, waiting for them to acknowledge him. When neither of them did, he stood there and…listened.

He didn’t understand what was happening. He didn’t understand why they kept talking about him like he wasn’t around anymore. Had Minho really moved on so quickly? When he hadn’t even broken up with Hyunjin? Or had he thought that their fight really was the end and had told all of their friends accordingly?

But that didn’t fit with Seungmin’s reaction to him the other day. So Hyunjin was just completely, utterly confused.

And then Minho mentioned Jisung, and Hyunjin stopped hearing the rest of the conversation.

He had never felt so much rage before. Finally, Minho had confirmed it. Finally, Hyunjin _knew_ who it was. Finally, his suspicions weren’t just paranoia. He wasn’t crazy. He was finally _right._

It was blinding. Suffocating. Hyunjin, for the first time in his life, genuinely wanted to hurt someone. Maybe Minho. Maybe Jisung. Maybe both of them—wait, yes, _both_ of them. He wanted to hurt them like they hurt him, and maybe then he would feel better.

That was what he had to do.

So he stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. He wanted Minho to finally acknowledge him. He wanted him to _know_ that he knew, that he had been here the whole time, listening. He wanted Minho to be terrified of him, to finally realize what he had done to him.

God, he wanted to hurt him.

He meant to go to Jisung’s apartment. But he ended up outside Seungmin’s instead. In retrospect, that was probably for the best.

Seungmin opened the door when Hyunjin pounded on it, and once again he barely had time to react before Hyunjin was shoving past him, into his apartment.

“It was _Jisung_!” Hyunjin exclaimed. “It was fucking _Jisung_ , this entire time!”

“Hyunjin—” Seungmin hissed, gesturing for Hyunjin to calm down. Hyunjin smacked his hands out of the way, still seething.

“He finally fucking _admitted_ it and oh my _god_ I’m going to kill him,” Hyunjin said. “I am going to kill him.”

Seungmin was still trying to get Hyunjin to calm down, his expression distressed for some reason, but Hyunjin was still ignoring him. His vision and his mind were tunneling—he could only see one thing, only focus on one thing. Just— _Minho_. And _Jisung_. _Minho and Jisung—together._

“Hyunjin,” Seungmin said again, his voice barely above a whisper, when someone from the apartment interrupted.

“Minnie?” Changbin. “Who’s at the door?”

“No one!” Seungmin called back. “Just a package, give me one second!” He looked back at Hyunjin, not expecting Hyunjin’s face to completely twist in rage.

“It’s just me, Changbin!” Hyunjin yelled at the top of his lungs, his eyes still on Seungmin. “Just me and my strong, homicidal urges! I’m going to kill my boyfriend and _his_ boyfriend! But I’m going to do it slowly and maybe make one of them _watch_ so they suffer almost as much as they made me suffer!”

When Changbin didn’t respond, Hyunjin turned sharply on his heel, despite Seungmin’s pleading gaze.

“Oh, I’m sorry, was that too much?” Hyunjin called, storming down the hall to the living room. Seungmin was lunging after him, trying to grab onto him, to pull him back, but Hyunjin slipped out of his grasp easily. “The least you could do is laugh, Changbin! Except that I’m not joking! I’m as serious as I’ve ever been!” And then _he_ laughed, and Seungmin was cringing.

And Changbin—

Changbin was just _sitting_ there. On the couch. Scrolling through his phone. Looking completely unbothered, despite the fact that a raging madman had just stepped into his apartment.

The sight of him caused the fire in Hyunjin to turn white-hot.

“Oh, so you’re ignoring me now too?” Hyunjin demanded. “Just like everyone else? Do you guys have a pact or something? Ignore Hyunjin, maybe he’ll disappear forever if we don’t pay attention to him!”

Changbin didn’t so much as glance up at him.

Something inside Hyunjin snapped, and suddenly he was lunging forward.

“NO!” Seungmin yelled, and _that’s_ what got Changbin to look up. Seungmin dove forward, trying and failing one last time to grab onto Hyunjin. Hyunjin was so close, so close to finally taking out all of his anger on the wrong person, so close to feeling his hands just wrapping around some living, breathing, _solid_ person—

But he just passed right through Changbin. He didn’t touch him at all. He just passed right through like he wasn’t even there.

Seungmin stopped, staring at Hyunjin in horror, while Hyunjin just looked down at himself as he stood on the other side of the couch, confused. His confusion was so strong that it cut through his blinding rage for a moment, and he just stood there. He turned to look at Seungmin.

Changbin was looking at Seungmin too, completely lost and a bit concerned. “Seungmin—” he started to say when Seungmin quickly shushed him.

That was enough to snap Hyunjin out of his shock, and then his rage was back in full. Except now it was combined with his confusion, resulting in some sort of explosive mix.

The lights were flickering in the apartment. The TV flicked on and was rapidly flipping through channels.

Hyunjin couldn’t breathe. His lungs were shriveling up from the heat coursing through his veins. There were flames rising up in his throat. The air around him was practically shimmering with heat waves. He was going to combust.

One lightbulb popped. Then another. Then a series of them, all in the kitchen. The TV channels were repeating now so the same words were being spoken, all strung together to create a sentence— _WHAT. IS. HAPPENING._

“Hyunjin, stop!” Seungmin shouted. When that didn’t work, he ran forward and grabbed Hyunjin by the shoulders and shook him violently until Hyunjin looked in his eyes. “You’re dead, Hyunjin! You’re dead!”

Hyunjin blinked at him in confusion. The last few lights were still flickering, but not at the intensity that they had been a few seconds ago.

“You’re not really here,” Seungmin said, tightening his grip to the point where it was painful. But…was it really? Or did Hyunjin just expect it to be painful? “You’re not. Because you’re _dead_ , Hyunjin.”

“I’m not,” Hyunjin retorted, but his voice was raw and broken and so small that it sounded doubtful, even to him. “I’m right here—”

“There was a car accident,” Seungmin said. “There was an awful car accident. Do you remember that?”

Hyunjin started to shake his head, but then he heard the blaring of a horn, so loud in his ears that he flinched. Suddenly he wasn’t in Seungmin’s apartment anymore. He was in a car, in the passenger seat.The radio was blaring. He was trying to say something, and someone in the driver’s seat was talking over him, and there were headlights blasting directly in his face—

There was a crash, then pain. So much pain. And so much darkness. Hyunjin was floating on it, all the sounds vanishing at once. Then, a few seconds later they were replaced by a high-pitched ringing. Someone was shouting, but their voices were foggy, like they were underwater. Hyunjin was in too much pain. It burned through him like his rage from a few seconds ago. He couldn’t hold on. He didn’t have the strength. So he just let himself slip back into that soundless darkness and—

Hyunjin was back in Seungmin’s apartment. The lights had stopped flickering, finally. Seungmin was still looking at him, his face so full of concern and pain and overwhelming sadness.

“I remember,” Hyunjin whispered. “I remember it.”

He sank to the floor, and Seungmin let him.

He was dead. He had been this entire time.

The realization caused his stomach to drop, for his heart to sink, for his entire body to wither away inside, leaving him with nothing but a husk of a body. That’s all he had ever been. Just a husk. So delicate, only a few seconds away from disintegrating into nothing. No wonder he had always been so sensitive.

“Seungmin,” Changbin whispered, still freaked the fuck out.

“Shh.” Seungmin waved him off, his eyes still on Hyunjin. “Hyunjin—”

“I should go,” Hyunjin said, pushing himself up. He didn’t look at Seungmin. He felt so lost inside, so confused, so hopeless. “I’m sorry about your lights. And for scaring you. I’ll just go, now.”

“Wait—” Seungmin was holding a hand out to stop him, but Hyunjin wasn’t really here, was he? He could pass through whatever he wanted. So he just passed right through Seungmin’s arm like it wasn’t there. A look of horror crossed Seungmin’s face for a second before he said, “Hyunjin, just wait a second—”

“I won’t bother you anymore,” Hyunjin said.

“You never—”

Hyunjin didn’t hear him. He just stepped through the wall of their apartment and kept walking. He passed through other people’s apartments. At one point he reached the edge of the building, and then he was suddenly walking on the ground outside. No one even paid attention to him as he walked right through them. But they hadn’t been paying attention to him for a very long time.

Where did he go from here? What should he do now? All his mind could do was supply him with constant repetition of those questions.Hyunjin wished he had the answers. He wished he had a lot of things. Instead he just had this disintegrating body that was cursed to be alone forever.

He could only hope that it would disintegrate quickly and end the pain soon.

For now, though, he had nothing left to do but to just keep walking, walking, walking towards nowhere in particular.

*

“What the fuck was that?” The words exploded out of Changbin, making Seungmin wince. “What was that? What was with the lights? And the TV? Did you see that? The lights just kept flickering like they were possessed or something and then the TV was going _berserk_ and then—”

“Changbin.” Seungmin closed his eyes and rubbed at his temples. “Please stop.”

“You were talking to someone,” Changbin whispered. Seungmin sighed at his inability to stay silent and slowly turned to look at him. “You were talking to Hyunjin.”

“Yes,” Seungmin said.

“How?”

“He was here.”

“He’s _dead_ , Seungmin.”

“Yes, but he didn’t know that.”

“How the _fuck_ does he not know that?”

“Well, he knows it now.”

“Oh, does he?” Changbin’s eyes were practically bugging out of his head. He let out a loud, distressed groan before collapsing back onto the couch. Seungmin slowly sat down next to him, suddenly concerned about Changbin’s wellbeing. Seungmin had seen this kind of thing before. Spirits never reacted well to discovering that they were dead. Hyunjin was a particularly unsettling case because he had so much unresolved trauma and pain before he died, so he reacted badly.

When he went for Changbin, though, Seungmin had never felt so much terror in his life. Suddenly he was terrified that Hyunjin would actually be able to hurt Changbin, that he would try to strangle him right in front of Seungmin. By some stroke of luck, he had passed right through him, just like other spirits.

Changbin was now the one rubbing his temples and squeezing his eyes shut.

“Let me explain,” Seungmin said.

“Please do,” Changbin said. “I feel like I just lived through a horror movie and that the worst is yet to come.”

“He won’t come back,” Seungmin said, remembering that terrible, crestfallen look on Hyunjin’s face when he left. “He said he wouldn’t.”

“So you can talk to spirits now?”

“I’ve always been able to talk to spirits.” When Changbin looked up at him with a frown, Seungmin sighed and tried another tactic. “Remember that story about my grandma? How I didn’t think she was really dead and how everyone thought I was just in denial?”

“Yeah…?” Changbin was still frowning at him.

“Well, I only thought that because I literally saw her every day,” Seungmin said. “She was always walking around my house, baking cookies and sewing and taking walks with me. It turns out that she really was dead and that I was just…special. I didn’t know that until a few years later when I kept seeing some kid at our school who fell off a cliff. That’s when I figured it out.”

“You’re a ghost whisperer?”

Seungmin sighed. “Something like that.”

“You see dead people?”

“How many movie references are you going to make?”

“Just those.” Changbin managed a small smile before saying in a more serious note, “So, you can see Hyunjin. And you can talk to him.”

Seungmin nodded.

“Have you seen him every day since the accident?”

Seungmin shook his head. “No. He still acts like he’s alive. He just comes and goes as he pleases.”

“But you just told him that he was dead.”

“Because he was freaking out and trying to kill you.”

Changbin raised his eyebrows in surprise. “He was what?”

“It’s a long story,” Seungmin said with a sigh. “I don’t think he’s going to try that again. I think…I think I kinda broke him. I’m worried.”

“There’s nothing you can do,” Changbin said quietly, reaching out to take Seungmin’s hand. Seungmin scooted closer so he could rest his head on Changbin’s shoulder.

“You’re right, unfortunately.” Seungmin sighed again. “All the spirits I’ve seen are the same way—they’re stuck here because there’s something keeping them from letting go and moving on. He has to figure that out for himself, but I bet you I know what’s keeping him here.”

“What?”

“Minho and Jisung. Until he finds some way to come to terms with the two of them, he’s going to be stuck here forever.”

*

Minho couldn’t sleep, but that wasn’t exactly a new occurrence. He felt somewhat like an idiot, since earlier he had tried everything he could think of to identify the supposed ghost living in his apartment and to connect with it. He tried asking it to turn a light on and off if it was here. Or to move a pen. Or to even give him a sign—anything at all—that it was there. But nothing had happened. Minho went to bed feeling ashamed and disappointed. Then the self-loathing came back as he scolded himself for ever thinking that some random occurrence was his boyfriend. Stupid. So stupid. And pathetic. He needed to let go, move on. Besides, he didn’t deserve hope like this, or a second chance. Not after what he had done to Hyunjin.

So he went to bed and tried to sleep. It didn’t work. He was exhausted, but it was a different kind of exhaustion, the kind where his mind and his heart weren’t at peace. They couldn’t settle down long enough for him to rest. There was something that kept nagging in both his mind and heart, reminding him of everything he had done and failed to do.

At one point, he rolled over and looked at Hyunjin’s side of the bed. Empty, as always. As it would be from now on. Minho had tried not to look at it. Whenever he woke up facing that side, he deliberately rolled over to face the other side. But now, he just stared at it. Reached out to it. Felt the cold sheets.

Suddenly it was too much again and he rolled over, squeezing his eyes shut tightly as he willed himself to go to sleep. He had to work early tomorrow. He needed the rest.

He was just about to doze off when he felt it. Something in the atmosphere of the apartment changed. Now he felt someone else’s presence as well as the prickly feeling of being watched.

Minho opened his eyes, expecting to see some ghostly figure standing a few feet away from him. Maybe some dark shape standing in the doorway to the bathroom. But there was nothing. The room, or at least this side of it, was empty.

Then he felt the other side of the bed dip a bit to accommodate someone else’s weight. He heard the sheets rustle. But no breathing. No footsteps. Just a presence.

A sudden wave of terror had seized him, the kind where he couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t do anything but lay there and wait. For what, he didn’t know. Maybe for whatever was laying next to him to torture him in some way. Was it really even Hyunjin? What if it hadn’t been Hyunjin at all—what if some psychopath had been watching Minho and hiding in his home, slowly making him go insane? Minho had seen way too many serial killer TV shows to dismiss that idea. Besides, ghosts weren’t real—serial killers were. But serial killers also _breathed_ and made sounds, no matter how skilled they were. But ghosts couldn’t cause the mattress to bend when they laid on it—

Minho shoved the thoughts out of his head. He was just going to overthink this till it was morning and the ghost or serial killer was gone. He would never come to a conclusion like this. So his only option was to look and see who—or what—it really was. And possibly get murdered in the process.

Minho took a deep breath and slowly peeked over his shoulder at the shape laying next to him. He frowned, thinking he recognized that shape. After all, he had only slept next to it for three years now.

The sight gave Minho the courage he needed. He pushed himself up, still twisting around to get a better look. He peeked over Hyunjin’s shoulder slowly, half-expecting to see some awful, ghoulish sight, like Hyunjin would look like he did after the accident. Minho didn’t want to see that. From what he had heard from the police officers, Hyunjin’s body had been so mangled that he was barely recognizable. They had even had a closed casket for the funeral, though Minho hadn’t even gotten that far.

So when he saw that Hyunjin’s face was completely unscathed and just as beautiful and lifelike as ever, Minho couldn’t help exhaling in relief, his heart aching at the sight.

Hyunjin was awake, but he wasn’t looking at Minho. Instead, he was just staring straight ahead. There were tears in his eyes. How could a ghost cry? Unless, he wasn’t actually dead?

That wasn’t possible—

“Hyunjin,” Minho whispered.

Hyunjin barely moved. He just grimaced and squeezed his eyes shut as the tears rolled down his cheeks.

“Hyunjin,” Minho said again, his voice cracking this time. He reached out, wanting to just feel him again. He wasn’t even sure if Hyunjin would be solid and if his hand would just pass right through him. He put a hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder anyways and felt something inside of him break when he felt how solid Hyunjin was. How _real_ he was.

Hyunjin, on the other hand, jumped. He twisted to look at Minho, horror and disbelief and something like hope playing out across his features. When their eyes met, they just stared at each other.

Then Hyunjin whispered, “Minho?”

Minho broke down. After all these weeks, after holding back his tears for so long, he couldn’t do it anymore. He let out a sob and pulled Hyunjin close, not even caring if Hyunjin hated him or if he didn’t want to be held. Minho was selfish—Hyunjin had told him so over and over again during their fight, and he was right. Minho was selfish because all he wanted was to hold the love of his life close, just so he could feel a little bit whole again. He was selfish because he loved how Hyunjin made _him_ feel. He was selfish because when Hyunjin died, he missed him because Hyunjin would never be around to make him feel that way again.

“This isn’t real,” Hyunjin whispered, not fighting at all as Minho hugged him so tightly. “This isn’t real, it’s all in my head—”

“It’s not,” Minho whispered. “It’s not. You’re here.”

At that, Hyunjin broke down too. He tucked his head into the side of Minho’s neck and cried. He was always a crier. He cried at sad movies. He cried at happy ones. He cried when he was angry, when he was sick, when he was bored. Just, crying, crying, crying.

Minho used to _hate_ how much Hyunjin cried. And he still hated it, somewhat, but now he welcomed it more than anything. It was proof that Hyunjin— _Hyunjin!_ —was really, truly here.

“I missed you,” Minho whispered. “God, I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Hyunjin whimpered.

“You’ve been here the whole time, haven’t you? You never left?”

Hyunjin nodded, though he was still pressed so close that he ended up nuzzling Minho’s neck as well. “I kept trying to talk to you but you just kept ignoring me.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Hyunjin.”

“How can you see me now?”

“I don’t know,” Minho admitted. “I guess I never even thought that you would be here but then when Chan mentioned something about ghosts—it just clicked. Like I had to know that you were actually here before I could see you.”

Hyunjin didn’t say anything for a few moments. Minho was okay with that. He was fine with just being able to hold him.

Then Hyunjin said, “I didn’t know I was dead.”

Minho just blinked at that, now aware of how cold Hyunjin was. He didn’t have a heartbeat. He wasn’t breathing. He was just…there.

“I thought you were still mad at me,” Hyunjin continued. “That you were punishing me by ignoring me. I didn’t know what to do.”

“Hyunjin—”

“I was just waiting for you to end it already. I didn’t get why you were making me hang on for so long.”

“I never wanted to break up with you,” Minho said, and that was mostly true.

Hyunjin just clenched his jaw and pulled away. Minho wanted to pull him back, but instead he just waited to see what Hyunjin would do.

Hyunjin wasn’t even looking at him as he sat up and asked, “Did you cheat on me?”

Minho’s throat tightened. He swallowed, trying to loosen it so he could answer. Hyunjin deserved the truth. But he still couldn’t admit it to him. He was too ashamed, too scared of what Hyunjin would do.

Hyunjin looked at him when he failed to respond for a minute or so. “I already know, Minho. But I want you to admit it.”

Of course he already knew. Minho always figured that Hyunjin knew more than he let on. Hyunjin was just too idealistic to the point where he chose to ignore things that hurt him or contradicted his perspectives of people so that he could still believe in the best of things. Except this time, he was finally coming to terms with the fact that people weren’t perfect like he wanted them to be. If he could do that, then Minho could at least be honest with him.

“Yes,” he whispered.

“Yes what?”

“Yes, I cheated on you.”

“With Jisung?”

“With Jisung.”

Hyunjin clenched his jaw again, pain and tears flashing in his eyes even though he was trying to keep it together. “For how long?”

Minho winced. “Don’t make me answer that—”

“For. How. Long, Minho?”

“About six months.”

Hyunjin let out a breath like Minho had just punched him. If he had been standing, Minho was sure Hyunjin would have fallen to the floor. “Six months?”

Minho nodded, suddenly not brave enough to meet Hyunjin’s gaze.

Hyunjin’s eyes were wide and devastated as they drifted away from Minho, never quite focusing on anything. Minho couldn’t stand the heartbroken look on his face.

“It’s over now, though,” Minho insisted, moving forward and reaching for Hyunjin’s hand. “I ended it.”

Hyunjin pulled his hand away before Minho could grab it. “You ended it when I got my face bashed in, you mean.”

Minho winced. “Hyunjin, please—”

“No.” Hyunjin pulled back. “No. You’re going to ask me to forgive you. I won’t do it. I won’t.”

Minho winced again, but he knew he deserved it. Hyunjin, on the other hand, never deserved any of this.

“I’m going to go, now,” Hyunjin said, standing. He still had that lost, unfocused look in his eye, like he wasn’t really seeing anything.

“Go where?”

Hyunjin just shook his head. “Anywhere but here.”

He started to walk away, but Minho moved forward again. He was faster this time, so he was able to grab Hyunjin by the hand.

“Don’t hurt him,” Minho said. “Please, Hyunjin, don’t take it out on Jisung. It was my fault. I hurt you. Take it out on me.”

Hyunjin justlooked at him, his face now so cold and unfriendly. He looked like a total stranger. For a moment, Minho was terrified again, terrified that Hyunjin was too far gone to feel anything but pain and anger. Terrified that Hyunjin truly was some sort of dark, angry spirit that wasn’t going to rest until it had its revenge.

But then Hyunjin said, “Fine.” And he disappeared. He vanished into thin air. Minho was left alone, his hand now grasping at nothing but empty air.

He felt colder and hollower than before.

*

“What makes life worth living?”

Minho turned his head from staring at the wall to look at Hyunjin, who was frowning like he was trying to figure out some complicated puzzle. “What?”

“I mean, how can you tell if you’ve really, truly lived or not?” Hyunjin turned to look at him.

Minho arched an eyebrow. “Are you asking me specifically or people in general?”

“Both, I guess.” Hyunjin sighed and looked away. “I guess I’m just worried that I’m missing out on things. That I’m gonna wish I did more things when I die.”

“You have your whole life ahead of you to do the things you want to do.” Minho reached out and started to comb his fingers through Hyunjin’s hair. They were laying next to each other in bed on a Sunday morning, both too lazy to get up. Minho would be fine if they didn’t get up at all today. He could think of no better way to spend his day than to just cuddle up next to Hyunjin and give him lazy kisses and run his hands through his hair. And if things turned a little bit sexier, he’d be fine with that too.

“You never know,” Hyunjin said. “We could die tomorrow!”

“Don’t say it like that.” Minho made a face. He didn’t like to think about these kinds of things. Not only did it hurt his head, but it stressed him out and gave him an existential crisis.

“I’m just saying.” Hyunjin shrugged before settling back down next to Minho. “Like, what would people say about me if I died tomorrow? Would they just say I was a pretty face and that’s it? I guess that’s all that matters in the end—if they pretty or rich or smart. I was just pretty.”

“No,” Minho said, tugging him closer. “Obviously they’re gonna say more things, like how you had an _amazing_ boyfriend.” He grinned, trying to lighten the mood, but apparently Hyunjin wasn’t joking around. Hyunjin just ended up looking even more disappointed. So Minho pulled him a little bit closer to the point where Hyunjin was tucked nicely under his chin as he said, “I know what they’ll talk about. They’ll talk about how good of a person you are, how you always choose to see the best in people, how you make everyone else’s day so much brighter just by being _you._ Yeah, they’ll say you’re pretty, but they’ll also say your looks paled in comparison to how beautiful your heart really was. How strong, caring, passionate, and gentle it really was. And maybe they’ll mention how you were a little bit sensitive—” he paused to give Hyunjin a smile and to poke Hyunjin’s nose, making Hyunjin blink in surprise, “—but they’ll only say that because of how much you cared and how much you appreciated all of the beautiful things in the world. They’ll have so much to talk about that we’ll have to limit everyone’s speeches to ten minutes.” He smiled when Hyunjin blushed at that. “And maybe, just maybe, they’ll mention how your adoring boyfriend always wondered how he managed to score this one.”

Hyunjin blinked up at him, his eyes wide and sparkling. Minho continued to smile down at him, meaning every single word of that. But then Hyunjin frowned and asked, “Did you read that somewhere?”

“What?”

“That was just…really eloquent.”

“Oh, and you don’t think I can come up with that stuff?”

Hyunjin’s eyes went wide again, but for a different reason. “No! No, that’s not what I meant, I swear. I was just surprised, that’s all. I’ve never heard you say anything like that. Or…” His eyes darted away, almost shyly. “I’ve never heard you tell _me_ anything…like that…”

Minho smiled. “I wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true.”

Hyunjin looked back at him and smiled. “I love you.”

“I know.” Minho leaned down to kiss him on the forehead. “I love you too.”

“You make me feel alive. Make me feel like my life is worth living.”

Minho wasn’t one for sappy confessions or for getting choked up easily, but this morning was just different. He had to swallow back tears as he whispered, “I feel more alive when I’m with you too, Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin was silent for a few moments as he snuggled up under Minho’s chin, a content smile on his face. Minho let his eyes drift close, focused on just enjoying the feeling of being able to hold the person he loved the most. And he was also still trying to swallow back his tears.

Then Hyunjin said, “I’d make sure to say all the great things you did, too.”

“I know. You’d have an entire novel prepared.”

Hyunjin snorted. “Yeah, probably. But, can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything.”

“What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to do? Something that would make you feel like you lived after doing it?”

“Oh, that’s easy. I’ve always wanted to get back into dancing.” Minho sighed and opened his eyes. “But obviously that’s not going to happen.”

“I’m sorry,” Hyunjin whispered.

Two hip surgeries. His hips never healed quite right, despite everyone’s best efforts. Minho’s dance career had ended before it even began.

“It’s okay,” Minho said. “I’ve come to terms with it. I even thought of another way I could get back into dance.”

Hyunjin raised his eyebrows curiously.

Minho smiled down at him. “I think it would be fun to teach dance classes. I’d still be able to dance a bit, just not as strenuously as I would professionally. And I’d love to work with kids.”

“I think you would be really good at that.”

“Yeah, I guess I want to do it also because I want to show people that dance isn’t some feminine thing. That it won’t turn their sons gay just because they have to wear tights for ballet. Besides, dance is so much more of a sport than people realize.”

“Um, Minho, you _are_ gay, though?”

Minho laughed at that. “Well, _yeah_ , but dance didn’t turn me gay. Seeing hot, built guys in tights is what turned me gay.”

“I think you’re completely contradicting your own point.” Hyunjin was grinning.

“Oops.” Minho grinned back and pressed his forehead and nose up against Hyunjin’s. Hyunjin had said once that Minho reminded him of a cat—he loved to just press his face into Hyunjin whenever he could. Like into Hyunjin’s neck, or shoulder, or stomach, or thighs. His favorite was to just press his face into Hyunjin’s, though. Hyunjin would usually just laugh and call him a cat again. Though Minho knew he secretly loved it.

They stayed like that for a few moments before Hyunjin complained, “You need to brush your teeth.”

“So do you.”

“And take a shower.”

Minho smirked. “So do you. Want to save water costs and double up?”

“Wow, how romantic.”

“Financial stability is very sexy, baby.”

Hyunjin snorted. But he didn’t argue.

They ended up taking a _very_ long shower. So much for saving water.

*

Minho wasn’t sure if he would be able to see Hyunjin in the daytime. From all of the ghost stories he had heard, people only saw ghosts at night, not in the daytime. He also didn’t expect Hyunjin to stay in the apartment, since Hyunjin had made it sound like he wouldn’t be returning for a long time. Minho couldn’t blame him, but at the same time, he now missed him more than ever. There was so much Minho had to tell him, had to apologize for, had to make up for. But all he could do was wait for Hyunjin to come back.

So, the next night, he just laid there, staring up at the ceiling, trying not to look at the empty space next to him. He slung his arm over his eyes after a bit, just waiting to either drift off or for Hyunjin to come back.

As like the night before, he felt Hyunjin’s presence more than anything. He felt Hyunjin watching him, felt him move closer, felt him finally get into bed next to him. What he didn’t feel was the warmth that he had associated with Hyunjin for so long.

Minho lifted his arm to peek over at Hyunjin, who had deliberately left space in between them and as a result was practically on the edge of the bed. He had his back to Minho.

“I didn’t think you’d come back,” Minho whispered.

Hyunjin hesitated for several moments before saying, “There’s nowhere else to go.”

“Where were you all day, then?”

Hyunjin snorted bitterly. “You expect me to answer that? After I tried to ask you that and you blew up at me? I wasn’t sleeping around, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Minho sighed. “I just…wasn’t sure where you would go, okay?”

“Nowhere,” Hyunjin said miserably. “There’s nowhere for me to go. I’m just stuck here for the rest of eternity, probably, with no one to talk to but you and Seungmin.”

“Seungmin?” Minho frowned. “Why Seungmin?”

“Apparently he can see ghosts.”

“Oh.”

“But he doesn’t want me coming around anymore.”

“Why not?”

“I tried to hurt Changbin.”

“Why would you…” Minho pushed himself up a bit to look over Hyunjin’s shoulder at his face.

“I didn’t understand why everyone but Seungmin was ignoring me,” Hyunjin said. “I got…I just got mad, okay?”

“It’s okay,” Minho said quietly, reaching out to touch Hyunjin’s shoulder. Hyunjin stiffened but didn’t jerk away. “You have a right to be mad.”

Hyunjin just squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head.

Minho watched him for a few moments before growing a little bolder and pressing a kiss to Hyunjin’s shoulder. “I know you’re mad at me. But can we please talk?”

Hyunjin didn’t respond.

“I’m not going to ask you to forgive me, because I know I don’t deserve that. But please just let me apologize.”

Once again, Hyunjin didn’t respond.

“I’m sorry for cheating on you,” Minho said. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. I’m sorry for making you feel like you were the one who did something wrong. And I’m sorry for hurting you.”

“That doesn’t cut it.” Hyunjin’s voice was hoarse.

“I know,” Minho said. “But it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. It was me who made the mistakes, not you.”

Hyunjin took a deep breath (more out of habit than necessity). “You kept pushing me away.”

“I know.”

“That day, when we had the fight, I had a really shitty day at work. I just wanted to come home and get a hug. That’s it. That’s all I wanted. But you kept avoiding me like I had some kind of disease or something. And that wasn’t the first time you did that, either.”

Minho winced, remembering how the guilt at the time had been slowly gnawing away at him, how he couldn’t bear to even look at Hyunjin, much less touch him.

“Do you have any idea how much that hurts?” Hyunjin’s voice was now barely above a whisper. “How painful it is to have someone you’ve loved for so long to just discard you like that? It destroyed me, Minho.”

Minho didn’t know what to say to that, so he stayed silent for a few moments, trying to come up with an adequate response. Hyunjin must have thought Minho wasn’t going to respond at all, because he added, “But I’m not totally innocent either. I shouldn’t have yelled at you either. I shouldn’t have said all of those things. I know you care. I know that you just love differently than me. And I don’t think you’re selfish.” His lips curled in the barest hint of smile. “The roses proved that.”

“You do realize I thought I had lost my mind when I saw them cut and in a vase the following morning, right?” Minho couldn’t help smirking, but that faded as he stroked Hyunjin’s shoulder with his thumb. “I should have gotten you roses more often.”

“I should have given you your space more often,” Hyunjin said. “I shouldn’t have nagged so much.” He sighed. “I should have been better so you wouldn’t have cheated.”

“That wasn’t why I cheated.”

“Then why did you?” Hyunjin finally turned his head to look up at him. “You keep saying that I did nothing wrong, but how can you expect me to believe that when you don’t say _why_ you cheated? You make me think I nagged too much or talked too much or wasn’t good enough at sex or something. So what is it? Tell me.”

Minho didn’t look at him, too focused on Hyunjin’s shoulder. He was wearing Minho’s favorite hoodie, he now realized. So that’s where it had disappeared to this whole time. “It was something different,” he decided to say, which wasn’t untrue. “I guess…I met Jisung and we just _clicked_. I don’t know what it was. It was also back when you were working and studying so much that you were too tired and weren’t in the mood that often. So when he made the first move, I kind of just went with it.” He forced himself to look up and meet Hyunjin’s gaze. “It was only supposed to be a one-time thing.”

“But it was so good that you kept going back for more,” Hyunjin said flatly. “He could give you all the things I couldn’t.”

Minho grimaced. “Something like that.”

Hyunjin bit his lip and looked away. He was silent for several moments, but at least he didn’t pull away. Minho waited, since that was all he could do for Hyunjin now.

“Do you love him?”

“I thought I did, at one point,” Minho admitted.

“But do you love him now?”

“There’s a small part of me that still does, yes.”

Hyunjin’s face fell even further at that. “Were—were you happy when I died? Were you happy that you could finally be with him completely?”

“What?” Minho never expected Hyunjin to ever say something like that. “Oh my god, _no_. Why the hell would I be happy about that?”

“Just because I’d be out of the way and you wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore—” And now Hyunjin was crying. Tears were streaming down his face. It was the kind of full-on breakdown where he was sobbing in seconds, and Minho was pulling him around so he was facing him.

“ _No_ , Hyunjin, oh my god,” Minho said, his own tears falling as well. “I would—I would _never_ think that. You were never in the _way_. And I would—I would never be _happy_ that you were d—gone, oh my god.” His voice was so broken and pained that he didn’t even sound like himself. He couldn’t believe Hyunjin would ever think such a thing. He couldn’t believe that Hyunjin would think Minho would ever be _relieved_ about such a thing. And the discovery that Hyunjin _did_ think that hurt in an entirely new way.

“I blamed _myself_ for—for the accident,” Minho choked out.

Hyunjin was sobbing so hard that he couldn’t barely make out words at this point. It took him several tries to even be able to say, “What? Why would you—”

“I thought—I thought it was my fault that you went out and drank. You never drink, but I hurt you so much that you—” Minho swallowed thickly. “And then you—you got in that car—because of me—”

“N-no, Minho, oh my god—” Hyunjin was reaching out for him. Minho pulled him towards him again, a bit harsher this time, but he hugged him to his chest. He hugged him like he was going to disappear, like he was going to fall apart into so many tiny pieces. Minho just wanted Hyunjin as close as possible, wanted Hyunjin to feel completely safe and loved by him. But he knew that even if Hyunjin were alive, he would never completely feel that way ever again. Minho still had to try, though.

At some point, Minho started saying over and over again, “I love you, I love you, I love you—”

He wasn’t sure if Hyunjin really believed him, but he meant it. He meant it with his whole heart.

*

At some point, the two of them fell asleep, completely tangled up in each other, something that hadn’t happened for years. They didn’t need to cuddle or to wake up in each others arms every single day. Sometimes it was enough just to loosely drape one arm over the other’s torso, or to sleep back-to-back. Just enough to know that the other was there.

Minho couldn’t remember the last time he woke up tangled up with Hyunjin. He thought he never would be able to ever again. He didn’t even think that Hyunjin would stay the night and figured that Hyunjin would just vanish into thin air like the ghost he was. But here he was, snuggled up against Minho’s chest, his legs twisted with Minho’s. If Minho ignored the fact that Hyunjin wasn’t breathing and that he couldn’t feel his heartbeat and that his face was a bit paler than any makeup could ever accomplish, he could almost imagine that Hyunjin was still alive, that they had fixed their relationship problems, that they had gotten through it together and would stay together for the rest of their lives. Minho almost allowed himself to get caught up in the fantasy.

Instead, Minho kissed Hyunjin on the forehead, carefully untangled himself from him, and got up to get ready for work.

*

Something felt different to Hyunjin. He didn’t feel so angry anymore. He didn’t feel so lost. He didn’t feel so alone.

He figured out in the past few days of being a ghost that time was irrelevant to him. He could sit down and let it completely pass by in the blink of an eye. It was much easier to get through the day that way.

He sat down on the edge of the bed in the morning, after Minho had left, and sat there for the whole day. Suddenly it was nighttime, and Minho was coming home.

Minho jumped when he stepped through the bedroom door, making Hyunjin look at him. “Sorry,” Minho said. “I guess I didn’t really expect to see you so soon.”

“I’ve been here all day,” Hyunjin said.

“Not wandering off today?”

Hyunjin shook his head. “I wanted to be here when you got home.”

Minho walked closer, and Hyunjin just watched him until he was standing right in front of him and Hyunjin was looking right up at him. Then Minho reached out and cupped the side of Hyunjin’s face. His hand was so warm and soft. Hyunjin found himself closing his eyes and leaning into the touch.

“Can…” Minho’s voice faltered, causing him to try again. “Can I kiss you?”

Hyunjin’s first instinct was to say no. Was to feel disgusted, especially since the last person Minho had probably kissed was Jisung. But he hadn’t actually kissed Minho in so long that at the moment he didn’t care if Minho had kissed Jisung. He just wanted to kiss his boyfriend, one last time.

“Yes,” Hyunjin whispered, opening his eyes and looking up at Minho.

Minho hesitated for a beat or two, as if to be sure. Then he cupped both sides of Hyunjin’s face and held it there as he leaned down to kiss him.

Hyunjin half expected it to feel completely different, considering he was dead. But the only difference was a sudden raw intensity, some sort of desperation and hunger and need between the two of them that created the kind of spark that Hyunjin had never felt before. It wasn’t a gentle kiss whatsoever. It was full of teeth and tongue and pushing and pulling. It brought tears to Hyunjin’s eyes and made his lungs burn, even though he didn’t actually need to breathe. He supposed it was his body just feeling things out of habit.

By the time Minho finally pulled back, he was panting like he had just run a mile. His lips were all bitten and red, his face was flushed, and his pupils were blown wide. He was staring down at Hyunjin like he had never seen him before, with a hint of raw desire that made Hyunjin shiver.

And all Minho could say was, “Wow.”

Hyunjin snorted. “Wow?”

“I just—” Minho was still fighting for breath. “I was worried it wouldn’t feel right. Because you’re—” He still couldn’t say it, it seemed.

“Because I’m dead,” Hyunjin said gently. “It’s okay, Minho. You can say it. You need to say it.”

“I can’t,” Minho whispered. “Because if I do, then that’s admitting that you’re really gone forever and I don’t want to accept it.”

“You can’t move on if you don’t. And you need to move on, Minho. I do too. We both need to because that’s the only way we can both heal.”

“What if I don’t want to heal?” Minho shot back. “What if I don’t think I deserve to heal from this? If I don’t think I deserve to be happy?”

Hyunjin reached up and removed Minho’s hands from his face. He held them in his cold, dead hands instead. “If it were a few days ago, I would say that I didn’t think you deserved to be happy. But now…you’ve made your mistake. You’ve been punished for it. You can move on. Hopefully in the future you’ll never make that mistake again. You can be happy again.”

Silent tears were slipping down Minho’s cheeks.

Hyunjin smiled up at him before leaning down to plant a kiss to the backs of his hands.

“I’ll say it,” Minho said, “but only after tonight. Please, just let us have one last night.” He lifted his hand from Hyunjin’s to cup the side of Hyunjin’s face again and to run a thumb over his cheek.

Hyunjin just continued to smile up at him. “Okay.”

Minho smiled back before leaning down to kiss him again. This time, it was a much softer and gentler kiss, somehow capable of being just as passionate as the first. This time, Minho was the one pushing and Hyunjin was the one pulling, so the two of them fell backwards onto the bed, never once disconnecting their lips. In fact, they rarely disconnected at all throughout the rest of the night, except for one moment when Minho pulled back and asked, “Are you sure this is still going to work?”

And Hyunjin said, “Guess there’s only one way to find out.”

“Mm. Yeah, okay.”

And then they were back to kissing, back to being so close that they were practically one, back to focusing only on loving and being loved in return.

*

When Hyunjin woke up the next morning, the sun was peeking through the windows, shining right on his face. He squinted and blinked at the light, thinking it seemed brighter than usual. After waiting for his eyes to adjust a bit, he realized that this sunlight seemed different. It wasn’t golden like it usually was in the early morning, but a bright, clean white. It wasn’t sunlight at all.

Hyunjin turned his head to the other side, at where Minho was still sleeping soundly, his arm wrapped securely around Hyunjin’s waist. He looked so beautiful with his dark, messy hair and sleepy, pouty face, his pale skin a gorgeous shade in the early morning light. Even after all they had been through, Hyunjin still loved him. He would always love him.

“Minho.” Hyunjin rolled over and gently shook his shoulder. “Minho.”

Minho groaned and mumbled for a few moments before Hyunjin was finally able to wake him up. Minho peered up at him, his eyes all squinty and his face still all pouty.

Hyunjin smiled down at him. “I think it’s time for me to go.”

Minho blinked at him, his face going completely blank for several moments. Then he took a deep breath, took Hyunjin’s hand, and pressed it up to his mouth. He held it there as he watched Hyunjin, probably taking one last look at him. Hyunjin didn’t mind. He was doing the same thing to Minho.

Then Minho gave him one last kiss on his hand and released it. “I guess so.”

Hyunjin smiled. “I love you.”

Minho took a deep breath before saying, “I love you too. I’ll always love you.”

Hyunjin smiled again, leaning forward to kiss Minho on the forehead. Minho closed his eyes when he did. “Goodbye, Minho.”

“Goodbye. Hyunjin.”

Then, with a small nod, Hyunjin turned and climbed out of bed. He stepped towards that light, though he paused right before entering it. He needed one last look at Minho. So he turned and looked. Looked at Minho with his dark, messy hair and pale skin and warm eyes that watched him from their messy bed.

Hyunjin was going to miss this sight. He going to miss Minho more than anything. But it was time to let go and move on. He was just glad he had been able to spend these last few hours with Minho, finally.

So, with one last smile at Minho, and one last smile from Minho in return, Hyunjin turned around and walked forward. He stepped into the light.

*

Seungmin was in the middle of washing off his dish after breakfast when he felt it. He went completely rigid and looked up, staring straight ahead, not quite seeing anything.

Changbin was sitting on one of the bar stools at the counter. He saw Seungmin go rigid. “Minnie?” he asked. “You okay?”

“He’s gone,” Seungmin said, still staring straight ahead. “He’s really gone.”

Changbin didn’t need to ask. He already knew.

“He finally let go,” Seungmin said.

“I’m glad,” Changbin said softly. “He’s finally at peace.”

“Yeah.” Seungmin smiled. “He’s finally at peace.”

_Fin._

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all ever seen The Sixth Sense??? That's where this fic came from haha. 
> 
> Also idk WHY but whenever I write Hyunho it always ends up being so freaking angsty and I always end up making myself cry. It's a sad life lmao.
> 
> Anyways, if you guys read this far, thank you so much! I really appreciate it :) hopefully in the future I'll write some happier stories haha.


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